[ That will give Charles time to clean up from his journey into the quadrants. He is tired and sad, and Logan is kind enough to give him space given his grief, but he would typically like to lick his wounds in private. And yet Erik is the only one who would understand and be grieving in his own way. Neither of them will get the closure they might have wanted. Perhaps there is an element of fear in Charles too, that a loss has hit him and it's made him more aware of other risks. After Erik's close call with the mannequin, he's unlikely to leave him alone for long.
He managed to find some clothes in the temporary mall that suited him, and it appears the 90s wasn't horribly different in his stiff style. He managed to find a button-up shirt and some comfortable slacks, although he left the coat behind given that it is damned warm out. A few buttons are undone for that reason. He feels more himself at the moment, even if that comes with a dose of pain for how himself Raven makes him feel, with or without her.
He knocks on Erik's door and gathers himself. He seems fairly put together but the grief is there in the details someone observant would see. The redness in his eyes, the slight bags in them, the heaviness of his shoulders.]
[ Quite frankly, the thing that bothers Erik the most is not knowing with absolute certainty that she's gone back to her own world and time. He hopes it, and tries to believe it, but the fact is that they don't really have definite proof of that. But that's a concern he keeps to himself, when he knows Charles is already struggling without having to face a worse scenario.
Before his trip to the mall with Wanda turned to absolute shit, Erik also managed to get a few things, including some clothes that suit him far better than poolside shirts. He opens the door in a plain blue sweater and dark jeans, having at least taken the time to shave for once. His hair is still something of a mess but he hasn't bothered trimming it yet, so it's curling around the back and just overall looking mussed up. Otherwise he looks far better than he did when he was stuck with that mannequin, having had a few decent nights of sleep, though he looks no happier when he opens the door for Charles.
Wordlessly, he steps aside so Charles can come in. His room's still mostly sparse, but there are a couple of new shoes near the door, a couple of basic items on top of the dresser, and a journal with a pencil case on his nightstand. The place is generally well-kept, probably unsurprisingly. He's set up a makeshift kitchen of sorts near the window, with a portable stove, a couple of pots, a kettle and other basic utensils. It's not perfect but at least it allows him to cook some more basic meals. ]
I got something for dinner, if you like.
[ He can only imagine that Charles hasn't really worried about that. ]
[ Charles at this point has accepted that either she's gone or there is no way to find her. He's driven in every direction for hours and used his gifts as far as he can reach to no avail. She wouldn't ignore his messages and calls like this. He knows that it's said this happens, so it's what he'll have to come to terms with. If he had a hope that she was still here, he would never stop looking until he went mad.
The last time Charles saw him in person he was still partly mannequin so it's a relief to see him back to himself again. That was a deeply troubling experience for him, and it wasn't even happening to him, just someone that he loves. He knows that Erik is a very tough individual with a steel spine but he broke apart in that experience, as anyone would. ]
I probably should, I haven't eaten today.
[Charles isn't positive he ate yesterday either. He's been on the move. He tries to remember to care for himself but when emotionally fragile, he can get caught up in his worries and less on his needs. He notes all the small differences in Erik's room and it's unsurprising it's neat, Erik is no slob. Charles could probably use a shave, it's a little less tidy than he tries to keep on top of, but he's not on top of anything today. Being without her again is going to take a toll on him. ]
[ Charles's state doesn't really surprise him much, knowing how affected he is by Raven's disappearance. Self-care is often the first thing to go when one's unwell mentally, and all the worse when on top of that he's going through what's essentially a process of grief. Even if she's fine elsewhere, she's not here now. Erik doubts she will reappear, too.
Food is a good start. He didn't really prepare in advance for a decent meal, but he has some canned foods and pasta's easy enough to manage, so he starts getting everything together while they talk. ]
I'm alright. [ It would be dismissive coming from anyone else, but Charles knows Erik's past better than anyone, so he knows that, however horrible an experience that was, it was far from the worst that he's been through. Losing his memories little by little was what scared him the most, really. ] The shields you put up didn't really do much, though I don't know if that thing reached into my mind the same way.
[ Still, it's a worry to keep in mind. Erik has a feeling that won't be the last time this place toys with them. ]
You went out there looking for her, didn't you? [ Outside of Panorama, he means. It's a rhetoric question, he knows that Charles went. ] Did you go on your own?
[ Because that sounds like just a really very bad idea. And this is coming from Erik Lehnsherr of all people. ]
It's protected from outside psychics, but this was not so simple. However they worked, it wasn't telepathy in the traditional sense.
[ Charles may be a little defensive given that he promised to protect Erik's mind, and he has to the best of his ability, or perhaps it's more about guilt. Guilt for not doing enough, for not checking on him sooner, for Erik to have degraded so much he forgot who he was.
They solved it in the end, but that won't stop Charles from feeling responsible. Or that it wasn't deeply painful to watch Erik suffering so much, to see him in tears and struggling. In all the times Charles was angry at his friend, he never wanted him to be that low, he wouldn't wish that pain on anyone. And then Raven was gone and at the moment, Charles feels like he can do nothing right. Typical.
He breaks out of his wallowing to a different kind and he reluctantly nods.]
Yes, I didn't want company. I know it wasn't the safest but ... I just didn't.
[ Charles is terrible at sharing his pain. He is there for everyone else but has a hard time letting anyone be there for him. It is going to be a consistent problem but he's here with Erik, isn't he? He's trying to let him in, as the only other person who can understand his grief. But Charles was too focused on his goal, too frantic. And it led nowhere but to pain.
He rubs a hand through his hair and then over his face, sighing.]
I know. [ He looks at Charles, stops what he's doing to give him his full attention. ] I'm not blaming you for what happened. I'm only pointing out that this place, and the things we might cross paths with, living or otherwise, might be impervious to our abilities. It's only smart that we should be more careful.
[ In here, and especially out there, on the road and in the diffusion zones. Erik has already felt some instability in his own powers, not quite gone but just not working as they should. He couldn't sense how that assimilation worked, not the way that Charles would have been able to, but he trusts Charles's abilities. He knows that if that mannequin managed to gain access to his mind, it was not because of a flaw on Charles's part. ]
I wish you'd told me. [ He pauses what he's doing, so he can turn and turn his focus entirely on Charles. ] I understand why you didn't, but safety is paramount in our current situation. At the very least you wouldn't have been on your own out there.
[ What if he'd run into one of those mannequins, or something even worse? Charles's abilities can only help him so much— and out there, they might not even help at all. And he's not even going to point out how Charles has been the one pushing Erik to open up and let others in. The irony.
He follows the drag of Charles's fingers down his face, his own expression mostly neutral. ]
That's one thing you and I have always had in common, my friend. We hate feeling helpless.
[ Charles has always trusted in his abilities to help him, until he chose his legs over his power. And then he wasn't much of anything for many years. It's a burden, but it is his only chance to feel powerful again at the same time. But outside of his mind, he truly is not all that impressive. He's a man in a wheelchair with no fighting skills and frankly, not that many life skills either. It's become blatantly obvious to him lately, and he hates it. Erik at least is incredibly good at surviving, but even he could do nothing in the face of that mannequin. They were in trouble here. It wasn't enough they had no choice in being here.
Charles frowns at him and glances away, feeling Erik's eyes on him, because yes, logically he knows he was wrong, but he also is terribly stubborn. Feeling helpless isn't as terrible as actually being helpless. He knows it's anti what he tells Erik himself. Rules for thee and not for me.]
I won't again. I'll take someone next time.
[ He says reluctantly but truthfully. Charles doesn't make statements he doesn't mean. He also went to the mall by himself because again, stubborn. At least there he didn't run into anything other than a few harmless people, and he managed to shoo any bandits off. Charles pushes off his wheelchair to the couch instead, preferring to change locations whenever he can to avoid the discomfort. And if he plans on staying here for dinner, he may as well get comfortable.]
My volunteering at the hospital gained me some favor with the people running it. They asked me to help with administrative and financial work. It doesn't pay well, but it's enough for me to get my own room.
[ Which he is thankful for. And he has no doubt Logan is too, although he would never say as much, he respects Charles too much. But it was terribly cramped and Logan was sleeping on the floor all this time. There was no privacy between them. This will give them both more freedom, something Charles in particular needs.
It's not his ideal situation but it does actually satisfy him! He likes the hospital and he feels like he's doing good even if it's paperwork.]
Now you won't have to worry about Logan if you visit me. Not that he's a problem, per se.
I doubt that anyone likes feeling helpless, really.
[ Erik has a particular loathing for the sentiment, for obvious reasons. He has never relied on anyone else, he doesn't like to either, and it's part of his current struggle here. It's the sole reason why Charles found him in that state, after the mannequin. If he'd been more reasonable about the whole ordeal, then he would have reached out to Charles long before he got to that point.
They're both a little like a pot calling the kettle black, right now. Because Erik can also admit to the hypocrisy of telling Charles now that he should have reached out to him, or anyone else really, when Erik himself wouldn't do that. And what good did it do either of them, honestly. He doesn't want to entertain the thought of what might have happened if Rowena hadn't come upon him when she did.
Still, he takes Charles's words as reassurance, and doesn't further push on the subject. He doesn't think Charles is just saying it to shut him up, and all he wants right now is to know that Charles won't put himself in a situation of risk needlessly. They all need to drive beyond the city at one point or another, at the least they can take care not to go out there alone. ]
It would be more of a problem if it were Scott.
[ Said with just a touch of wary amusement. He hasn't crossed paths with the other mutant since their confrontation, which is probably for the best. There's no love lost between him and Logan but at least they can be civil and know how to stay out of each other's way. Still, he won't lie; knowing that there's no risk of crossing paths whenever he visits Charles is a comfort. ]
We do always have my room. [ They all look just about the same either way. Erik doesn't much care, frankly. ] But that's good. I doubt there's any job here that pays well, so one that pays at all is already an improvement.
[ It also means Charles isn't stuck in his room for the better part of his day. ]
[ They can be hypocrites together. There isn't much they have in common, but what they do is strong within them. But Charles has always been drawn to Erik for his differences. He was unlike anyone he ever knew, and Charles knows so many, given his powers as a young boy. It was like stepping too close to the sun, intense and powerful, but with the ability to warm as well as burn. He sees it now too, in just the small moments they have together. Erik will always blaze for him. It's the burn he's afraid of now, and the Icarus within him.
He laughs at the reference to Scott. It's true, his prize pupil would be more of a problem, although Scott does understand now that Charles and Erik have something between them. What it is, no one knows for certain, but it's there. He has a plan to force it a little more in the future, but it's still only early fruition in his head. Charles will figure out the safest path to get his way.]
As much as my admire my future adopted son, I don't know him that well. Logan at least has already seen me at my most pathetic. Which I hate, obviously, but it requires less work on my part to pretend.
[ Charles is getting better but he isn't perfect, and a part of him wants to be for Scott and for Rogue. It's something he's working on, finding an appropriate balance. He was not in a good place when he first arrived and Logan knowing him made it so much easier. He values the man a great deal and can see the love between them and why it happened. But it doesn't mean either of them want to share 500 feet between them eternally.]
I just needed something to do. I was going slowly insane. Much like being in that mansion for years doing nothing but hate everything.
[ Charles hasn't explained much about their years apart, outside of saying that he lost his powers intentionally. The dark spot he went through was a private embarrassment, but perhaps he's willing to talk about it, if there's interest.]
[ Their differences have never been a deterrent to Erik, either. If anything it's the thing that drew him even more to Charles, not only his mind and brilliance but the way he so often he looks at the same situation from a different perspective. Erik is stubborn, independent to a point of isolation, and far too prone to violent outbursts, but he was never as inclined to take in another's point of view until he met Charles. Because he understands perfectly where he's coming from, the principles he stands for, even if he might not always agree.
He's seen too much to believe there might be a better way. It's hard to change that now, but he's genuinely trying, and he's doing it for no reason other than Charles, to be perfectly honest. And maybe to prove to himself that he doesn't have to make himself a monster to stand up for their cause. ]
You shouldn't have to pretend either way. I doubt Scott's opinion of you would be diminished.
[ For what little he knew of the man, when they were at the beginning of a friendship Erik hoped would grow solid and steady, he seemed like an honest, loyal man. Knowing now that he's that close to Charles only cements that perspective in Erik's mind. There's nothing Charles could do to change the man's feelings or opinions about him, at least he doesn't think so. But Charles is proud to a fault, he's not surprised to hear that he's trying to make himself look more put together than he really is.
His gaze lowers briefly when Charles mentions those years apart, while Erik was (for the vast majority) locked away. They haven't really spoken about that period of time. Erik isn't entirely sure that he wants to, at least not about what he himself went through, but he's willing to listen to Charles's side of things. Not just that, but he feels like that's the least he owes Charles, when he was the one who pushed him into that situation to begin with. ]
I thought you were just hating me for what I did to you.
[ Not just the injury, but the fact that he took Raven away. Not that it wasn't her choice too, but she was impressionable and they both know how charming Erik can be, when he wants to. It was easier to say that they both had their paths to walk, when in truth Erik practically forced Charles down that path when he took what was most important to him. ]
I told him a little of where I was before I came here, and that I wasn't the person he eventually knew right then. He was supportive, of course.
[ Not a surprise for either of them, having met and spent some time with Scott now. That is why Charles is confident that in time Scott will be open to Erik and accepting he's not the same villain he knew. It was difficult in the moment, yes, but space and some time changing his mind was possible. He has faith in his would-be son. Forgiveness is a major part of Charles and his point of view, he suspects he instilled that in others, the ones who would listen.
Charles has come a long way from that first week already. Time here has unraveled enough, and the presence of his students helped, that he can see his dark time passing by him. Having a job and a purpose of a kind again will help him too. It was difficult those first few days with the noise of this place, he was truly in a struggle, and only a little past the times that he was ashamed of. That Erik himself pointed out to him, when he was already low.
Charles considers what Erik says before responding. It's not as simple as that, but it's also not incorrect. He felt hate for the first time in his life, that's true.]
I was heartbroken, Erik. Hate was just an easier feeling in the start than sorrow.
[ Charles could be angry instead which never came to him easily but it consumed him, churned away inside of him. ]
I had this foolish notion that you both would come back. To check on me, if nothing else. As time went on, I hated myself too, for hoping for that.
[ Hope for a time became something he learned to despise, the longer it turned into stupidity. Charles was injured, he was paralyzed, he was left bleeding in the sand by his dearest loved ones. He thought that their love for him would lead them back to him in the smallest of ways, but it never did. He's still hurt about that. ]
I knew why you didn't, but I still wanted it.
[ No one knows Erik better than Charles. Or Raven, for that matter. Their silence toward him should have been expected, but it wasn't logic leading him much during that time, but emotion.]
[ Erik isn't surprised to hear that, no. From what little he saw of Scott, this falls in line with the kind of man he seems to be, and adding to that the fact that he's so close to his version of Charles only makes more sense. But he still understands Charles not wanting to show how much he's struggling, or needing to rely on others too much. It's just important that he knows that he can, rather than letting his pride speak louder. (Funny coming from him of all people, he knows.)
He worries that Raven's disappearance might push him back on the progress he's made so far, but on the other hand, he's not alone. He seems willing to reach out, at least in part. He's not isolating himself entirely, which is a good thing. Erik's sure both Logan and Scott will keep an eye on him, but he's also going to be sure to check in on him a little more regularly over the next few weeks, just in case.
The food only gets half his attention right now, setting the pot to boil some pasta almost on automatic, instead focused more on Charles. None of what he says surprises Erik, all similar sentiments to ones they shared during their initial meeting here, but there's a vulnerability to it, an admission on Charles's end that makes it hurt just that little more. ]
I thought about it. [ For the while he was free anyway, before getting locked up. Not much of a choice on his end then. He doesn't think he'd have reached out or gone to find Charles had he broken out either, if it hadn't been Charles himself orchestrating the whole thing. ]
I didn't think you'd want to see me, after what I did. [ There's a bitter smile there, and he pauses what he's doing to look to Charles. If they're doing admissions about those ten years, then... ] You know, when I was in that cell, I kept wondering if you'd try to reach out to me. I didn't know whether the jail itself was built in a way to keep your mind out, but...
[ He doubts it. The way they avoided metal of any kind anywhere near him said as much. Peter managed to break him out fairly easily too, so clearly there was nothing there to dampen their abilities. ]
I didn't know about Hank's serum. [ Obviously. ] I just thought that I'd burnt that bridge completely.
[ Before coming here, he didn't even think he'd see Charles again. So yes, there were a great many reasons why he didn't reach out, and why he wasn't planning to before arriving in this place. ]
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What we want holds little meaning here, if whatever force brought us here can take us away just as suddenly.
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I will hold onto what we did have.
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[ It was only his memories, granted, but it felt the same. Maybe worse. ]
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[ He doubts Charles is in a mood to go out, but there's no harm in asking. ]
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[ That will give Charles time to clean up from his journey into the quadrants. He is tired and sad, and Logan is kind enough to give him space given his grief, but he would typically like to lick his wounds in private. And yet Erik is the only one who would understand and be grieving in his own way. Neither of them will get the closure they might have wanted. Perhaps there is an element of fear in Charles too, that a loss has hit him and it's made him more aware of other risks. After Erik's close call with the mannequin, he's unlikely to leave him alone for long.
He managed to find some clothes in the temporary mall that suited him, and it appears the 90s wasn't horribly different in his stiff style. He managed to find a button-up shirt and some comfortable slacks, although he left the coat behind given that it is damned warm out. A few buttons are undone for that reason. He feels more himself at the moment, even if that comes with a dose of pain for how himself Raven makes him feel, with or without her.
He knocks on Erik's door and gathers himself. He seems fairly put together but the grief is there in the details someone observant would see. The redness in his eyes, the slight bags in them, the heaviness of his shoulders.]
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Before his trip to the mall with Wanda turned to absolute shit, Erik also managed to get a few things, including some clothes that suit him far better than poolside shirts. He opens the door in a plain blue sweater and dark jeans, having at least taken the time to shave for once. His hair is still something of a mess but he hasn't bothered trimming it yet, so it's curling around the back and just overall looking mussed up. Otherwise he looks far better than he did when he was stuck with that mannequin, having had a few decent nights of sleep, though he looks no happier when he opens the door for Charles.
Wordlessly, he steps aside so Charles can come in. His room's still mostly sparse, but there are a couple of new shoes near the door, a couple of basic items on top of the dresser, and a journal with a pencil case on his nightstand. The place is generally well-kept, probably unsurprisingly. He's set up a makeshift kitchen of sorts near the window, with a portable stove, a couple of pots, a kettle and other basic utensils. It's not perfect but at least it allows him to cook some more basic meals. ]
I got something for dinner, if you like.
[ He can only imagine that Charles hasn't really worried about that. ]
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The last time Charles saw him in person he was still partly mannequin so it's a relief to see him back to himself again. That was a deeply troubling experience for him, and it wasn't even happening to him, just someone that he loves. He knows that Erik is a very tough individual with a steel spine but he broke apart in that experience, as anyone would. ]
I probably should, I haven't eaten today.
[Charles isn't positive he ate yesterday either. He's been on the move. He tries to remember to care for himself but when emotionally fragile, he can get caught up in his worries and less on his needs. He notes all the small differences in Erik's room and it's unsurprising it's neat, Erik is no slob. Charles could probably use a shave, it's a little less tidy than he tries to keep on top of, but he's not on top of anything today. Being without her again is going to take a toll on him. ]
How are you? Since your ordeal.
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Food is a good start. He didn't really prepare in advance for a decent meal, but he has some canned foods and pasta's easy enough to manage, so he starts getting everything together while they talk. ]
I'm alright. [ It would be dismissive coming from anyone else, but Charles knows Erik's past better than anyone, so he knows that, however horrible an experience that was, it was far from the worst that he's been through. Losing his memories little by little was what scared him the most, really. ] The shields you put up didn't really do much, though I don't know if that thing reached into my mind the same way.
[ Still, it's a worry to keep in mind. Erik has a feeling that won't be the last time this place toys with them. ]
You went out there looking for her, didn't you? [ Outside of Panorama, he means. It's a rhetoric question, he knows that Charles went. ] Did you go on your own?
[ Because that sounds like just a really very bad idea. And this is coming from Erik Lehnsherr of all people. ]
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[ Charles may be a little defensive given that he promised to protect Erik's mind, and he has to the best of his ability, or perhaps it's more about guilt. Guilt for not doing enough, for not checking on him sooner, for Erik to have degraded so much he forgot who he was.
They solved it in the end, but that won't stop Charles from feeling responsible. Or that it wasn't deeply painful to watch Erik suffering so much, to see him in tears and struggling. In all the times Charles was angry at his friend, he never wanted him to be that low, he wouldn't wish that pain on anyone. And then Raven was gone and at the moment, Charles feels like he can do nothing right. Typical.
He breaks out of his wallowing to a different kind and he reluctantly nods.]
Yes, I didn't want company. I know it wasn't the safest but ... I just didn't.
[ Charles is terrible at sharing his pain. He is there for everyone else but has a hard time letting anyone be there for him. It is going to be a consistent problem but he's here with Erik, isn't he? He's trying to let him in, as the only other person who can understand his grief. But Charles was too focused on his goal, too frantic. And it led nowhere but to pain.
He rubs a hand through his hair and then over his face, sighing.]
I ... got a job, finally. I wanted to tell her.
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[ In here, and especially out there, on the road and in the diffusion zones. Erik has already felt some instability in his own powers, not quite gone but just not working as they should. He couldn't sense how that assimilation worked, not the way that Charles would have been able to, but he trusts Charles's abilities. He knows that if that mannequin managed to gain access to his mind, it was not because of a flaw on Charles's part. ]
I wish you'd told me. [ He pauses what he's doing, so he can turn and turn his focus entirely on Charles. ] I understand why you didn't, but safety is paramount in our current situation. At the very least you wouldn't have been on your own out there.
[ What if he'd run into one of those mannequins, or something even worse? Charles's abilities can only help him so much— and out there, they might not even help at all. And he's not even going to point out how Charles has been the one pushing Erik to open up and let others in. The irony.
He follows the drag of Charles's fingers down his face, his own expression mostly neutral. ]
What's the job?
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[ Charles has always trusted in his abilities to help him, until he chose his legs over his power. And then he wasn't much of anything for many years. It's a burden, but it is his only chance to feel powerful again at the same time. But outside of his mind, he truly is not all that impressive. He's a man in a wheelchair with no fighting skills and frankly, not that many life skills either. It's become blatantly obvious to him lately, and he hates it. Erik at least is incredibly good at surviving, but even he could do nothing in the face of that mannequin. They were in trouble here. It wasn't enough they had no choice in being here.
Charles frowns at him and glances away, feeling Erik's eyes on him, because yes, logically he knows he was wrong, but he also is terribly stubborn. Feeling helpless isn't as terrible as actually being helpless. He knows it's anti what he tells Erik himself. Rules for thee and not for me.]
I won't again. I'll take someone next time.
[ He says reluctantly but truthfully. Charles doesn't make statements he doesn't mean. He also went to the mall by himself because again, stubborn. At least there he didn't run into anything other than a few harmless people, and he managed to shoo any bandits off. Charles pushes off his wheelchair to the couch instead, preferring to change locations whenever he can to avoid the discomfort. And if he plans on staying here for dinner, he may as well get comfortable.]
My volunteering at the hospital gained me some favor with the people running it. They asked me to help with administrative and financial work. It doesn't pay well, but it's enough for me to get my own room.
[ Which he is thankful for. And he has no doubt Logan is too, although he would never say as much, he respects Charles too much. But it was terribly cramped and Logan was sleeping on the floor all this time. There was no privacy between them. This will give them both more freedom, something Charles in particular needs.
It's not his ideal situation but it does actually satisfy him! He likes the hospital and he feels like he's doing good even if it's paperwork.]
Now you won't have to worry about Logan if you visit me. Not that he's a problem, per se.
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[ Erik has a particular loathing for the sentiment, for obvious reasons. He has never relied on anyone else, he doesn't like to either, and it's part of his current struggle here. It's the sole reason why Charles found him in that state, after the mannequin. If he'd been more reasonable about the whole ordeal, then he would have reached out to Charles long before he got to that point.
They're both a little like a pot calling the kettle black, right now. Because Erik can also admit to the hypocrisy of telling Charles now that he should have reached out to him, or anyone else really, when Erik himself wouldn't do that. And what good did it do either of them, honestly. He doesn't want to entertain the thought of what might have happened if Rowena hadn't come upon him when she did.
Still, he takes Charles's words as reassurance, and doesn't further push on the subject. He doesn't think Charles is just saying it to shut him up, and all he wants right now is to know that Charles won't put himself in a situation of risk needlessly. They all need to drive beyond the city at one point or another, at the least they can take care not to go out there alone. ]
It would be more of a problem if it were Scott.
[ Said with just a touch of wary amusement. He hasn't crossed paths with the other mutant since their confrontation, which is probably for the best. There's no love lost between him and Logan but at least they can be civil and know how to stay out of each other's way. Still, he won't lie; knowing that there's no risk of crossing paths whenever he visits Charles is a comfort. ]
We do always have my room. [ They all look just about the same either way. Erik doesn't much care, frankly. ] But that's good. I doubt there's any job here that pays well, so one that pays at all is already an improvement.
[ It also means Charles isn't stuck in his room for the better part of his day. ]
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He laughs at the reference to Scott. It's true, his prize pupil would be more of a problem, although Scott does understand now that Charles and Erik have something between them. What it is, no one knows for certain, but it's there. He has a plan to force it a little more in the future, but it's still only early fruition in his head. Charles will figure out the safest path to get his way.]
As much as my admire my future adopted son, I don't know him that well. Logan at least has already seen me at my most pathetic. Which I hate, obviously, but it requires less work on my part to pretend.
[ Charles is getting better but he isn't perfect, and a part of him wants to be for Scott and for Rogue. It's something he's working on, finding an appropriate balance. He was not in a good place when he first arrived and Logan knowing him made it so much easier. He values the man a great deal and can see the love between them and why it happened. But it doesn't mean either of them want to share 500 feet between them eternally.]
I just needed something to do. I was going slowly insane. Much like being in that mansion for years doing nothing but hate everything.
[ Charles hasn't explained much about their years apart, outside of saying that he lost his powers intentionally. The dark spot he went through was a private embarrassment, but perhaps he's willing to talk about it, if there's interest.]
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He's seen too much to believe there might be a better way. It's hard to change that now, but he's genuinely trying, and he's doing it for no reason other than Charles, to be perfectly honest. And maybe to prove to himself that he doesn't have to make himself a monster to stand up for their cause. ]
You shouldn't have to pretend either way. I doubt Scott's opinion of you would be diminished.
[ For what little he knew of the man, when they were at the beginning of a friendship Erik hoped would grow solid and steady, he seemed like an honest, loyal man. Knowing now that he's that close to Charles only cements that perspective in Erik's mind. There's nothing Charles could do to change the man's feelings or opinions about him, at least he doesn't think so. But Charles is proud to a fault, he's not surprised to hear that he's trying to make himself look more put together than he really is.
His gaze lowers briefly when Charles mentions those years apart, while Erik was (for the vast majority) locked away. They haven't really spoken about that period of time. Erik isn't entirely sure that he wants to, at least not about what he himself went through, but he's willing to listen to Charles's side of things. Not just that, but he feels like that's the least he owes Charles, when he was the one who pushed him into that situation to begin with. ]
I thought you were just hating me for what I did to you.
[ Not just the injury, but the fact that he took Raven away. Not that it wasn't her choice too, but she was impressionable and they both know how charming Erik can be, when he wants to. It was easier to say that they both had their paths to walk, when in truth Erik practically forced Charles down that path when he took what was most important to him. ]
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[ Not a surprise for either of them, having met and spent some time with Scott now. That is why Charles is confident that in time Scott will be open to Erik and accepting he's not the same villain he knew. It was difficult in the moment, yes, but space and some time changing his mind was possible. He has faith in his would-be son. Forgiveness is a major part of Charles and his point of view, he suspects he instilled that in others, the ones who would listen.
Charles has come a long way from that first week already. Time here has unraveled enough, and the presence of his students helped, that he can see his dark time passing by him. Having a job and a purpose of a kind again will help him too. It was difficult those first few days with the noise of this place, he was truly in a struggle, and only a little past the times that he was ashamed of. That Erik himself pointed out to him, when he was already low.
Charles considers what Erik says before responding. It's not as simple as that, but it's also not incorrect. He felt hate for the first time in his life, that's true.]
I was heartbroken, Erik. Hate was just an easier feeling in the start than sorrow.
[ Charles could be angry instead which never came to him easily but it consumed him, churned away inside of him. ]
I had this foolish notion that you both would come back. To check on me, if nothing else. As time went on, I hated myself too, for hoping for that.
[ Hope for a time became something he learned to despise, the longer it turned into stupidity. Charles was injured, he was paralyzed, he was left bleeding in the sand by his dearest loved ones. He thought that their love for him would lead them back to him in the smallest of ways, but it never did. He's still hurt about that. ]
I knew why you didn't, but I still wanted it.
[ No one knows Erik better than Charles. Or Raven, for that matter. Their silence toward him should have been expected, but it wasn't logic leading him much during that time, but emotion.]
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He worries that Raven's disappearance might push him back on the progress he's made so far, but on the other hand, he's not alone. He seems willing to reach out, at least in part. He's not isolating himself entirely, which is a good thing. Erik's sure both Logan and Scott will keep an eye on him, but he's also going to be sure to check in on him a little more regularly over the next few weeks, just in case.
The food only gets half his attention right now, setting the pot to boil some pasta almost on automatic, instead focused more on Charles. None of what he says surprises Erik, all similar sentiments to ones they shared during their initial meeting here, but there's a vulnerability to it, an admission on Charles's end that makes it hurt just that little more. ]
I thought about it. [ For the while he was free anyway, before getting locked up. Not much of a choice on his end then. He doesn't think he'd have reached out or gone to find Charles had he broken out either, if it hadn't been Charles himself orchestrating the whole thing. ]
I didn't think you'd want to see me, after what I did. [ There's a bitter smile there, and he pauses what he's doing to look to Charles. If they're doing admissions about those ten years, then... ] You know, when I was in that cell, I kept wondering if you'd try to reach out to me. I didn't know whether the jail itself was built in a way to keep your mind out, but...
[ He doubts it. The way they avoided metal of any kind anywhere near him said as much. Peter managed to break him out fairly easily too, so clearly there was nothing there to dampen their abilities. ]
I didn't know about Hank's serum. [ Obviously. ] I just thought that I'd burnt that bridge completely.
[ Before coming here, he didn't even think he'd see Charles again. So yes, there were a great many reasons why he didn't reach out, and why he wasn't planning to before arriving in this place. ]
I'm annoying and hitting you back right away don't @ me
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he's a monster erik beware
oops too bad he's in too deep already
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thanks for the patience I'm back from vacay!
welcome back!! ✨
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we can probably finally wrap on this one and do a new event one :D
nooo-- i mean yes, that sounds good!!