[ Charles would disagree. He thinks Erik deserves far better than his life has been so far. He spent the majority of his life suffering and traumatized, and with a level of loss and pain that Charles himself cannot understand outside of what he's absorbed through his empathy. He's seen everything that Erik is, parts of him that even Erik doesn't know about, and he loves him.
But that doesn't mean trust is automatically back between them. Not fully. Charles sees Erik for what he is and all of his flaws as well as his good parts. He can have sex with him and want to be with him, and still need time to fully trust and forgive him. He already begged him not to leave again, he's not sure he believes him fully yet. This will help though, them being so honest with each other finally. Nothing hidden between them, not that it was much of a secret.]
If we were alone, I might have.
[ Too public, Peter and Logan literally standing there, the situation in danger. Charles was feeling a whole lot of things all at once and struggling with laying eyes on Erik since he left with Raven. Kissing him was one of those things he was feeling, like he was desperate to have his hands on him, even if it was to strangle him.]
I can't really explain it, I feel like my heart's been pointed at you since the moment we met. At my most romantic and ridiculous, I started believing in love at first sight and meant to be.
[ Charles isn't sure that either of them can explain it. Their obsession with each other is consuming and specific. It would have to be something irrationally romantic to supersede all the reasons that he shouldn't want to be with Erik. Everything bad that is between them. He isn't ready to tell anyone because he doesn't know yet what he'll say. He loves him despite the wheelchair, despite the violence? Yet holding onto Erik right now, breathing in his air, he does. Nothing else matters to him and his thudding heart.]
I should have had sex with you. [ Charles frames his face with his hands, piercing blue eyes on him.] You would have never left me if we had this.
[ He sounds sure because he is. He knows Erik better than anyone. To leave Charles after this, it would have taken someone far crueller. No matter what they disagreed on, the love they're allowed to feel between them now is more than it.]
You won't leave me now. I'm going to have so much sex with you.
[ That's something he can accept, and understand. Charles did state the moment they reunited that salvaging whatever they had was not so easy, and some actions can't just be erased. Erik doesn't want to erase them, either. He knows the mistakes he's made, just as he knows the bad things that he's done yet still doesn't regret. Some of it was necessary, in his mind he still believes that. The rest was... anger, pain, grief all rolled into one, and Erik letting that supersede everything that he'd gotten that was even remotely good in his life.
That is a nice thought to indulge in. A scenario where it was only the two of them when they reunited. Somehow he doubts Charles wouldn't still go for that sucker punch, but Erik also would have not stopped a kiss if that was what followed. It would have probably ended up a whole other kind of mess. This is... better. ]
I didn't even have to lay my eyes on you. You were in my head even before then.
[ Quite literally, too. That first contact, sudden and unexpected, felt overwhelming in every sense, and Erik wonders if it was a bond that was created just then, or if what he felt in that moment was conclusive evidence that soulmates are a real, tangible concept he'd never entertained before. So, maybe Charles wasn't the only one being excessively romantic and ridiculous.
He rests his hand over Charles's, expression struggling for a moment, nowhere near as certain of that as Charles himself is. He wishes he could be as sure as Charles is of that, but he really doesn't know how it would have all played out. He remembers still how determined he was to get to Shaw, how willing he was to sacrifice anything to kill him. He knows that being any closer to Charles wouldn't have changed his mind on that. The consequences of his own actions might have only become all the more catastrophic after that. He may have only ended up hurting Charles even more.
He's pulled from those thoughts with that last remark, drawing a soft chuckle from him. He tilts his head so he can press a kiss to Charles's palm, then his wrist. ]
I'll hold you to that.
[ Resting that hand back on his cheek, his own fingers trace along Charles's jaw, knuckles brushing against his temple. ]
You know that doesn't actually matter to me.
[ He does like that they're able to have sex, obviously, but Erik wouldn't have been any less serious about this even if they weren't. Them being physically intimate isn't a determining factor on whether or not he stays. ]
[ As long as they both give each other space to deal with their emotions with time while also having this, they should be fine. Charles isn't in denial that this is complicated for him. That Erik in general is complicated. Loving him is easy, living with him and everything else between them is harder. The point is the main thing holding them back, an enormous amount of unresolved sexual tension, has been released. That takes one obstacle away from their happiness.
And Charles does feel happy right now. Happier than he has since Erik and Raven left him. Erik can feel it floating from him into his mind, this lightness that has been stifled for so long. He can talk about foolish things like kissing Erik after punching him, or the idea of love at first sight, and while he's making fun of the concept, he also feels it to his core. ]
Your beautiful, beautiful mind.
[ To anyone else it was probably not. There were so many jagged edges and harsh lines, a twisted tense amount of grief and fury wrapped up. It was one of the darkest and saddest minds he'd ever touched, he didn't know a human mind could be that suffering and yet that strong. Erik was in the midst of his fury and despair trying to pull the sub even at the end of his life. But as Charles ran through his mind to understand what he was doing and pull him out, he threaded through Erik's mind like his hands through his hair, he felt through it all.
He'd never gone that deeply into anyone's mind. It was also the way that Erik said he thought he was alone, desperate, broken, and a touch hopeful.]
I wanted to give you everything you never had.
[ Love and hope and beauty and belief. He saw a damaged mind and yes, wanted to fix it, but not the way that he could if he wanted to. He wanted to watch Erik grow and experience on his own. It was a fine line to walk. He is more certain than Erik is that he would not have left him. It was never about killing Shaw. Charles accepted that would happen. He didn't love being a part of it, but he was worried Erik would kill him and then see the emptiness that left in him after. Their break had nothing to do with killing Shaw and everything to do with the humans afterward. But if he could have just given Erik a reason to stay.]
It matters to me.
[ Charles runs his thumb over Erik's lips, his favorite thing to trace them now, to have endess use of them.]
I can live without it and I have, but I don't want to be something broken that can't enjoy everything about a relationship.
[ The sex component is frankly not about Erik. It's Charles' own stubbornness in not denying himself something he deserves because of his limitations. They can obviously work around it and have, and that's what he needed. Symbolically, it's not about whether it matters, per se, but whether he can have everything he needs to be content. And for a serious relationship, that does include sex.]
You know I love feeling you, but you may officially be in the too heavy category now.
[ Charles likes it but they do eventually have to break apart and he can't do it forever. He kisses Erik one more time because he can and hugs him, arms wrapped around to enjoy it through the stickiness, but then releases him.]
[ Erik is certainly not intending to push or rush anything, whatever time Charles needs, whatever time they both need, they will get. To Erik's credit, he can be a very patient man when it's something that he truly wants, and right now he wants this more than he's wanted anything else in his life. Even ending Shaw's life. He felt a relief then, a genuine notion of a door finally closing, a chapter ended. But he did not feel better, he did not feel happy, and it did not make him feel like he'd just found a new part of himself.
With Charles, he feels all those things. Every time he talks, every time he smiles at him, every single brush of their minds coming together. He doesn't know where Charles's happiness ends and his own begins, but when they're this close, sharing every thought and emotion with one another, it truly doesn't matter. ]
You already have.
[ Even before this, he'd already given Erik more than he thought he'd ever find, but now that is all the truer. To think that he could ever find this pure sort of happiness, even in a place like this. It feels almost a dream. ]
I know. [ And he understands, really. He just doesn't want Charles to think that leaving right now would be easier if they couldn't have sex. What keeps him here right now is a bond that goes much deeper than that. Still, he is obviously glad they get to have this too, and all the more so when he can feel how happy it makes Charles.
He chuckles softly at the gentle accusation, an indirect request for Erik to move. Stealing another kiss, he pushes himself off slowly, rolling onto his side and sinking on the mattress next to Charles. He'll get up to get them cleaned in a moment, but first he's going to prop his weight up on an elbow, admiring the view of his lover lying on the bed like this, still a little flushed and messy and, the best part, covered in Erik's release. ]
[ Their feelings bleeding into each other may be why occasionally Charles forces them to have distance, although they may very well have a permanent underlining psychic bond now that they've been attached so intensely. He likes them sharing everything and it feels good, but they do have their own minds and should occasionally remember how to be individuals. They can have both a joined mind and an independent one, he just has to remember to separate them.
He's glad he's with someone who doesn't mind that being with him means being permanently open to his power. Charles could be in a relationship with someone who needed that distance permanently, and he would respect that, but it would be a constant effort to write those lines and stick to them. This is much more natural to him, and with Erik, it's difficult not to go in deep. Not to swim his way through the beautiful mind he fell in love with. ]
I love you, Erik.
[ He's given him all of himself now. It's not about the sex, like Erik wants him to understand, and he does. He never thought that it was sex precisely that would keep them together, it's more about what it symbolizes. Ultimate intimacy. Sex and love and being wrapped up tight in each other. It's true that Erik could have left him and destroyed him more completely, if they'd openly been in love at that point, but Charles is going to keep thinking that's not what would happen.
But he isn't holding it against himself in the past either. They know what did or didn't happen and their reasons for holding back. It gives him more reason to hold on tightly to Erik now. He wants to believe he won't leave him again, that this is something he does get to keep forever.
Charles groans when Erik finally does move off him because he's partially sorry but also partially relieved because the pressure moves off him. He can breathe a little easier even if he didn't mind it before. He smiles up at Erik when he looks at him with such admiration. It feeds his ego, which to be fair has been bruised up until now, so he is devouring it.]
Because you enjoy claiming me as much as I enjoy being claimed.
[ That is what being covered in Erik feels like to him, that he's smelling and tasting of Erik. Charles admires his body openly, Erik truly is a gorgeous man. His hand moves over his chest and purposely picks off some of the stick that Erik ended up on him too when he kept close. Charles lifts it to his mouth to lick it off his finger.]
It was one of my ongoing fantasies about you. I'm happy to say the reality is far better.
[ They'll find balance in this, he's sure of it. They both know the value of their individuality, of who they are as separate minds outside of any relationship they might have, so Erik's not concerned about either of them struggling to find a comfortable middle ground. But in moments like this, he doesn't want to pull away, and he doesn't want Charles to pull away from him either.
Those words sink warmly into him, though they're nothing Erik doesn't know, when he can feel them even in the presence of Charles's mind in his own. To be fair, Charles's feelings for him have been made rather obvious and very much clear even before tonight, but to hear the words said out loud still carries a different weight, making Erik's heart beat quicker, and his smile soften. He watches Charles like he can't bear to tear his eyes from him, resting a hand on Charles's side, slowly trailing his way higher. ]
Though I'm sure you know all too well that you're mine, I fully intend to remind you at every opportunity.
[ By telling him, claiming him, having him just like this time and again. Charles definitely won't be lacking reminders.
Reaching his shoulder, Erik's fingers trace then over his arm, a low hum while he watches Charles lick the taste of Erik's release off his own fingertips. Damn him, he's going to drive Erik to madness at this rate. He grips Charles by the wrist, tipping his head to press his mouth over the pulse point, kissing his palm and fingers, then easing his hold so he can press their hands, palm to palm, weaving their fingers together as he leans down to kiss Charles again.
It seems that it's going to be a challenge for the both of them, finding some way not to constantly be kissing each other. ]
[ Being in love with each other is not new. They might not have phrased it that way if they did open up to being together back then, because it was a new experience for both of them, but the truth of what they were settled in firmer once they were apart. Charles could see more clearly what they could have been once it was over. At the time, they'd been overwhelmed with creating the team and fighting Shaw and focusing on training. Their moments together were in the midst of more important things. And then Erik was gone and the loss of him was harder than any friendship could have meant. He loved him, and it was too late to say so.
Loving each other is the easy part now. Charles sees that particular look in Erik's eyes, the one that says he can't bear to look away from him, and it's deeply satisfying. He wants his eyes on him, constantly. He'll settle for nothing less than mutual obsession. He smiles smugly at him, letting Erik's fingers trace over his body as much as he likes.]
Good. Maybe next time instead of swallowing I'll let you come on my face. You can claim me everywhere.
[ He planned on tempting him with a little sucking of his finger, his words already very dirty, but Erik holds his hand instead and his heart melts. He leans up into the kiss and sighs into it, thinking their lips are going to eventually start becoming swollen if they can't stop. Charles isn't even sorry. He licks his way into Erik's mouth and runs his hand down his side, curving on his ass to hold it possessively.]
I need all of this I can get, I'm not much of a public display person, so we're clear. I just ... like some things to be private.
[ This isn't about the X-Men specifically, Charles is a bit too proper to be tonguing his boyfriend where everyone can watch him.]
[ Charles will have plenty of opportunity to be filthy and suggestive, right now Erik vastly prefers the reaction he gets when he weaves their fingers together, feeling Charles practically melt into that kiss. Not that Erik can't be horribly shameless himself, which Charles will learn soon enough, but he's also finding that he craves the truly, most cheesy romantic things that come with being in a relationship. Good thing Charles soaks up the attention, hopefully he'll not tire of it. ]
I think I can live with that.
[ Said with a soft, amused little smile. Personally Erik rather likes some public gestures of affection (definitely not having tongues shoved down each other's throats, though, that's a bit much even for him), but it's not something he's that set on. Hardly a struggle to agree to a limit that makes Charles more comfortable. Not that it matters at this juncture, as they're still keeping this relationship between them.
His smile sharpens a hint, hips shifting on the bed, a pleased hum while Charles hold his ass. ]
I might come twice just from seeing you a mess, my release dripping down your cheeks. Lord, Charles, you'll drive me mad yet, I swear.
[ Charles is a romantic and soft-hearted, he will eat up the attention and affection as much as he can get it. He always imagined being in love, it was something he did want even as a youth, but decided not to go searching for it. He had other things to focus on as he grew up and went through his PhD, but he was open to the option, ready to let his heart be stolen away when the right person came along. He just could never have foreseen who it would end up being until he pulled this man out of the water.]
Hand-holding or a kiss on the cheek is fine, once we're public. Interesting that I'm picking up no active homophobia here, so us being men wouldn't matter.
[ Those are barely public displays of affection in his mind. Charles was very affectionate with Raven but she was his sister, but he has no problem with more platonic-level touches around others. He hasn't internalized any homophobia but he would be more careful if that was a problem around here. Charles doesn't like fighting battles that he finds exhausting rather than fruitful. In this case, they don't have to worry about it. Very different from their era, in the best sense.
Charles gripped onto his ass when they were in the moment to pull him but now he's simply enjoying the shape and curve of it in his hand. A very nice one. He pats it gently.]
To be honest, this is why we couldn't have had sex earlier. We'd get absolutely nothing else done.
[ They had mutants to recruit, a team to create, training to do, and then eventually Shaw. And the two of them would have ended up lying in bed like right now, thinking of nothing but each other. Charles would come up with all kinds of reasons why they could spend another day in bed instead of in the car, or sneaking Erik into his room at the mansion. This is already so bloody consuming and it's been two orgasms.]
I spent so much time picturing you naked, and now I can look my fill.
[ Charles does exactly that. He drops his gaze from Erik's equally handsome face to trail down his shoulders and arms, his chest and stomach somewhat painted with his own come, and down to his soft but still deliciously large cock. It is shameless the way he's admiring him. Finally his oogling moves his gaze back to Erik's eyes, smiling at him in the exact way he used to, in order to get Erik to grin at him. ]
You should probably go get something to clean us off or I'm just going to seduce you again.
[ Interesting that Charles even tells him that as if he would give a damn about it, really. Yes, he understands that Charles would rather pick his battles, but that's Charles. Erik is just going to pick all the battles, thank you.
But he supposes it is nice that he can smile at Charles or hold his hand without some bigot asking to get their nose broken. And that's if Erik was feeling lenient, honestly.
To the next remark, Erik laughs. ]
Yes, I fear that all our plans may have fallen by the wayside.
[ Up to and including his goal of killing Shaw. He's almost sure that Charles would derail him from every other coherent thought if he'd been in his bed every night like he is now. Erik's already struggling to want to do literally anything else but lie here with him.
Charles is more than welcome to ogle, get his fill of it and make up for the time lost. Erik hasn't stopped gazing at Charles either, a fond and amused smile when he can feel exactly where Charles's eyes are fixed at any given moment. ]
That... [ He pulls Charles's hand close to him, pressing a kiss to his knuckles. ] Might just be a good idea.
[ Letting go before he gives into the temptation to kiss Charles yet again, he climbs out of bed and heads into the bathroom. And maybe he walks purposefully slowly so Charles can enjoy the view from behind— he's welcome. ]
[ He knows Erik would not give a damn about it, and it's not as if they can't handle themselves if someone made a problem about it. Charles alone could make them go dress up in a tutu as punishment for it. But he picks the path of least resistance. No battles for them. They can't be together in their world, and that has nothing to do with their gender, so this is their chance. And if he wants to hold his boyfriend's hand, he's going to.
Erik laughing is beautiful to behold. Before they met he's fairly certain Erik's laughs were minimal if ever existing at all, and then together he always managed to get a smile out of him when he wanted to. But laughs are still rare enough to be treasured. It's true that they probably would have gotten very distracted from their goals if they were making love every day. They'll have to get out of this bed eventually too, but it's not a concern for now.
Charles almost persuades him to come down for a kiss instead and then distracted him all over again, but he smiles and lets him go. And not in small part because his eyes immediately are glued to Erik's ass and staring at him walk away. He whistles very deliberately as he checks him out, trying to get him to laugh again.
But damn is he sexy. Charles admires the whole length of him, from his shoulders down to his thighs and up again. Gorgeous. He's so in love with him. Charles takes the time to push himself up a little more on the bed. He can move himself well, he has good arms, and he sits with his back against the bed frame for now. He makes certain not to spill any of Erik on the bed and to keep it securely on his body, both for cleanliness and because it's his and he's possessive.]
Bring back water too, if you don't mind.
[ They've worked up a sweat, to say the least. Charles is thirsty in more than one way.]
And walk back in just as slowly. I want to oogle you in an offensive way.
[ Charles gets another laugh for that, though a little quieter, and Erik doesn't even glance back to him as he keeps walking. He's not just walking around for Charles's enjoyment, there is a purpose to him having unlatched himself from the man on his bed.
He disappears from view as he goes into the bathroom, though he tries not to take too long. He does quick work of cleaning himself with a damp towel, getting two others ready to take with him back to Charles. He doesn't bother drying himself completely but he'd rather make sure Charles is as comfortable as possible, so one to clean him and another to dry him off.
At Charles's request, he walks back out at a leisurely pace, lingering under the door frame for a few seconds, admiring Charles just as much as he's being watched himself. He does eventually move, quick detour to the table so he can fill a glass with water, then brings it to the bed, sitting by the edge of the mattress as he hands it to Charles. ]
Best not ogle too much, I'm not letting you seduce me again just yet. I fully intend to still cook you dinner tonight.
[ He must be hungry right now, despite the fact that tonight's events have taken a rather unexpected turn. It just seems a good idea to actually see to their basic needs for however long they manage to keep their hands off each other. ]
Hands away.
[ He sets the dry towel down on the bed, then with the damp one starts wiping the mess on Charles's stomach and chest. The amount of it almost surprises Erik, but for the most part he's just mesmerized by the sight, pale smooth skin marked by his release. Part of him almost wants to leave it just as it is, an impractical fantasy that really isn't even necessary when he knows that Charles belongs to him as completely as he does Charles.
His gaze flickers to Charles's face, smiling faintly. The thoughts in his mind right now undoubtedly not a secret to him, he may as well be an open book at the moment. ]
we can probably finally wrap on this one and do a new event one :D
[ Charles' gaze is very appreciative as Erik comes back in, naked and beautiful, and he reaches out to take the water when he offers it. He tries not to be more self-conscious of himself and his nudity; Erik's been clear with how much he desires him. And the way he's looking back at him is complimentary.]
Afraid to come too close in case I seduce you?
[ He's teasing and chuckles, putting his hands up playfully so Erik can him off. He did make quite a mess but it's been a decade. The fact he lasted as long as he did after so long a dry spell should be respected. Charles knows exactly what Erik's thinking and smirks, reaching out to caress his cheek with the back of his hand.]
You'll have endless opportunities to spill on me, love. I promise you'll be able to paint me with it every time you want to.
[ God Erik is so attractive and the fact he wants to keep that possessive edge to Charles is appealing. He likes that. He runs his fingers along his lips. They are perfect. It's clear from the gleam in Charles' eyes that he is actively considering seducing him again so with impressive fortitude, he drops his hand away before doing so. He has to believe what he is saying; they have the time. No need to act like this is the only night for them.]
I'm starving, Erik. Make me dinner like a good boyfriend.
Well, at least one of us has to exercise some restraint.
[ Not that Erik can talk much, really, given how easily he folded. But he's just teasing of course, and far be it from him to ever complain— but it's going to become a problem if they can't manage to keep their hands off each other.
He takes hold of Charles's hand briefly, kissing his knuckles before letting go. They won't lack in opportunities, he knows that. He'll make sure of it. ]
You don't have to ask twice.
[ His smile widens for a moment, then he leans in for a kiss. Brief, a quick peck at best, certainly not enough for them to get sidetracked— and now that he's done with cleaning up Charles, he gets to his feet. Before anything else he is going to get them something to wear at least, even if it's something as plain as pyjama pants and t-shirt, and with that, he'll go back to the food he barely got started. Not like he was going to cook naked, as much as Charles might have enjoyed that view. ]
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But that doesn't mean trust is automatically back between them. Not fully. Charles sees Erik for what he is and all of his flaws as well as his good parts. He can have sex with him and want to be with him, and still need time to fully trust and forgive him. He already begged him not to leave again, he's not sure he believes him fully yet. This will help though, them being so honest with each other finally. Nothing hidden between them, not that it was much of a secret.]
If we were alone, I might have.
[ Too public, Peter and Logan literally standing there, the situation in danger. Charles was feeling a whole lot of things all at once and struggling with laying eyes on Erik since he left with Raven. Kissing him was one of those things he was feeling, like he was desperate to have his hands on him, even if it was to strangle him.]
I can't really explain it, I feel like my heart's been pointed at you since the moment we met. At my most romantic and ridiculous, I started believing in love at first sight and meant to be.
[ Charles isn't sure that either of them can explain it. Their obsession with each other is consuming and specific. It would have to be something irrationally romantic to supersede all the reasons that he shouldn't want to be with Erik. Everything bad that is between them. He isn't ready to tell anyone because he doesn't know yet what he'll say. He loves him despite the wheelchair, despite the violence? Yet holding onto Erik right now, breathing in his air, he does. Nothing else matters to him and his thudding heart.]
I should have had sex with you. [ Charles frames his face with his hands, piercing blue eyes on him.] You would have never left me if we had this.
[ He sounds sure because he is. He knows Erik better than anyone. To leave Charles after this, it would have taken someone far crueller. No matter what they disagreed on, the love they're allowed to feel between them now is more than it.]
You won't leave me now. I'm going to have so much sex with you.
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That is a nice thought to indulge in. A scenario where it was only the two of them when they reunited. Somehow he doubts Charles wouldn't still go for that sucker punch, but Erik also would have not stopped a kiss if that was what followed. It would have probably ended up a whole other kind of mess. This is... better. ]
I didn't even have to lay my eyes on you. You were in my head even before then.
[ Quite literally, too. That first contact, sudden and unexpected, felt overwhelming in every sense, and Erik wonders if it was a bond that was created just then, or if what he felt in that moment was conclusive evidence that soulmates are a real, tangible concept he'd never entertained before. So, maybe Charles wasn't the only one being excessively romantic and ridiculous.
He rests his hand over Charles's, expression struggling for a moment, nowhere near as certain of that as Charles himself is. He wishes he could be as sure as Charles is of that, but he really doesn't know how it would have all played out. He remembers still how determined he was to get to Shaw, how willing he was to sacrifice anything to kill him. He knows that being any closer to Charles wouldn't have changed his mind on that. The consequences of his own actions might have only become all the more catastrophic after that. He may have only ended up hurting Charles even more.
He's pulled from those thoughts with that last remark, drawing a soft chuckle from him. He tilts his head so he can press a kiss to Charles's palm, then his wrist. ]
I'll hold you to that.
[ Resting that hand back on his cheek, his own fingers trace along Charles's jaw, knuckles brushing against his temple. ]
You know that doesn't actually matter to me.
[ He does like that they're able to have sex, obviously, but Erik wouldn't have been any less serious about this even if they weren't. Them being physically intimate isn't a determining factor on whether or not he stays. ]
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And Charles does feel happy right now. Happier than he has since Erik and Raven left him. Erik can feel it floating from him into his mind, this lightness that has been stifled for so long. He can talk about foolish things like kissing Erik after punching him, or the idea of love at first sight, and while he's making fun of the concept, he also feels it to his core. ]
Your beautiful, beautiful mind.
[ To anyone else it was probably not. There were so many jagged edges and harsh lines, a twisted tense amount of grief and fury wrapped up. It was one of the darkest and saddest minds he'd ever touched, he didn't know a human mind could be that suffering and yet that strong. Erik was in the midst of his fury and despair trying to pull the sub even at the end of his life. But as Charles ran through his mind to understand what he was doing and pull him out, he threaded through Erik's mind like his hands through his hair, he felt through it all.
He'd never gone that deeply into anyone's mind. It was also the way that Erik said he thought he was alone, desperate, broken, and a touch hopeful.]
I wanted to give you everything you never had.
[ Love and hope and beauty and belief. He saw a damaged mind and yes, wanted to fix it, but not the way that he could if he wanted to. He wanted to watch Erik grow and experience on his own. It was a fine line to walk. He is more certain than Erik is that he would not have left him. It was never about killing Shaw. Charles accepted that would happen. He didn't love being a part of it, but he was worried Erik would kill him and then see the emptiness that left in him after. Their break had nothing to do with killing Shaw and everything to do with the humans afterward. But if he could have just given Erik a reason to stay.]
It matters to me.
[ Charles runs his thumb over Erik's lips, his favorite thing to trace them now, to have endess use of them.]
I can live without it and I have, but I don't want to be something broken that can't enjoy everything about a relationship.
[ The sex component is frankly not about Erik. It's Charles' own stubbornness in not denying himself something he deserves because of his limitations. They can obviously work around it and have, and that's what he needed. Symbolically, it's not about whether it matters, per se, but whether he can have everything he needs to be content. And for a serious relationship, that does include sex.]
You know I love feeling you, but you may officially be in the too heavy category now.
[ Charles likes it but they do eventually have to break apart and he can't do it forever. He kisses Erik one more time because he can and hugs him, arms wrapped around to enjoy it through the stickiness, but then releases him.]
no subject
With Charles, he feels all those things. Every time he talks, every time he smiles at him, every single brush of their minds coming together. He doesn't know where Charles's happiness ends and his own begins, but when they're this close, sharing every thought and emotion with one another, it truly doesn't matter. ]
You already have.
[ Even before this, he'd already given Erik more than he thought he'd ever find, but now that is all the truer. To think that he could ever find this pure sort of happiness, even in a place like this. It feels almost a dream. ]
I know. [ And he understands, really. He just doesn't want Charles to think that leaving right now would be easier if they couldn't have sex. What keeps him here right now is a bond that goes much deeper than that. Still, he is obviously glad they get to have this too, and all the more so when he can feel how happy it makes Charles.
He chuckles softly at the gentle accusation, an indirect request for Erik to move. Stealing another kiss, he pushes himself off slowly, rolling onto his side and sinking on the mattress next to Charles. He'll get up to get them cleaned in a moment, but first he's going to prop his weight up on an elbow, admiring the view of his lover lying on the bed like this, still a little flushed and messy and, the best part, covered in Erik's release. ]
You look absolutely enthralling right now.
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He's glad he's with someone who doesn't mind that being with him means being permanently open to his power. Charles could be in a relationship with someone who needed that distance permanently, and he would respect that, but it would be a constant effort to write those lines and stick to them. This is much more natural to him, and with Erik, it's difficult not to go in deep. Not to swim his way through the beautiful mind he fell in love with. ]
I love you, Erik.
[ He's given him all of himself now. It's not about the sex, like Erik wants him to understand, and he does. He never thought that it was sex precisely that would keep them together, it's more about what it symbolizes. Ultimate intimacy. Sex and love and being wrapped up tight in each other. It's true that Erik could have left him and destroyed him more completely, if they'd openly been in love at that point, but Charles is going to keep thinking that's not what would happen.
But he isn't holding it against himself in the past either. They know what did or didn't happen and their reasons for holding back. It gives him more reason to hold on tightly to Erik now. He wants to believe he won't leave him again, that this is something he does get to keep forever.
Charles groans when Erik finally does move off him because he's partially sorry but also partially relieved because the pressure moves off him. He can breathe a little easier even if he didn't mind it before. He smiles up at Erik when he looks at him with such admiration. It feeds his ego, which to be fair has been bruised up until now, so he is devouring it.]
Because you enjoy claiming me as much as I enjoy being claimed.
[ That is what being covered in Erik feels like to him, that he's smelling and tasting of Erik. Charles admires his body openly, Erik truly is a gorgeous man. His hand moves over his chest and purposely picks off some of the stick that Erik ended up on him too when he kept close. Charles lifts it to his mouth to lick it off his finger.]
It was one of my ongoing fantasies about you. I'm happy to say the reality is far better.
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Those words sink warmly into him, though they're nothing Erik doesn't know, when he can feel them even in the presence of Charles's mind in his own. To be fair, Charles's feelings for him have been made rather obvious and very much clear even before tonight, but to hear the words said out loud still carries a different weight, making Erik's heart beat quicker, and his smile soften. He watches Charles like he can't bear to tear his eyes from him, resting a hand on Charles's side, slowly trailing his way higher. ]
Though I'm sure you know all too well that you're mine, I fully intend to remind you at every opportunity.
[ By telling him, claiming him, having him just like this time and again. Charles definitely won't be lacking reminders.
Reaching his shoulder, Erik's fingers trace then over his arm, a low hum while he watches Charles lick the taste of Erik's release off his own fingertips. Damn him, he's going to drive Erik to madness at this rate. He grips Charles by the wrist, tipping his head to press his mouth over the pulse point, kissing his palm and fingers, then easing his hold so he can press their hands, palm to palm, weaving their fingers together as he leans down to kiss Charles again.
It seems that it's going to be a challenge for the both of them, finding some way not to constantly be kissing each other. ]
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Loving each other is the easy part now. Charles sees that particular look in Erik's eyes, the one that says he can't bear to look away from him, and it's deeply satisfying. He wants his eyes on him, constantly. He'll settle for nothing less than mutual obsession. He smiles smugly at him, letting Erik's fingers trace over his body as much as he likes.]
Good. Maybe next time instead of swallowing I'll let you come on my face. You can claim me everywhere.
[ He planned on tempting him with a little sucking of his finger, his words already very dirty, but Erik holds his hand instead and his heart melts. He leans up into the kiss and sighs into it, thinking their lips are going to eventually start becoming swollen if they can't stop. Charles isn't even sorry. He licks his way into Erik's mouth and runs his hand down his side, curving on his ass to hold it possessively.]
I need all of this I can get, I'm not much of a public display person, so we're clear. I just ... like some things to be private.
[ This isn't about the X-Men specifically, Charles is a bit too proper to be tonguing his boyfriend where everyone can watch him.]
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I think I can live with that.
[ Said with a soft, amused little smile. Personally Erik rather likes some public gestures of affection (definitely not having tongues shoved down each other's throats, though, that's a bit much even for him), but it's not something he's that set on. Hardly a struggle to agree to a limit that makes Charles more comfortable. Not that it matters at this juncture, as they're still keeping this relationship between them.
His smile sharpens a hint, hips shifting on the bed, a pleased hum while Charles hold his ass. ]
I might come twice just from seeing you a mess, my release dripping down your cheeks. Lord, Charles, you'll drive me mad yet, I swear.
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Hand-holding or a kiss on the cheek is fine, once we're public. Interesting that I'm picking up no active homophobia here, so us being men wouldn't matter.
[ Those are barely public displays of affection in his mind. Charles was very affectionate with Raven but she was his sister, but he has no problem with more platonic-level touches around others. He hasn't internalized any homophobia but he would be more careful if that was a problem around here. Charles doesn't like fighting battles that he finds exhausting rather than fruitful. In this case, they don't have to worry about it. Very different from their era, in the best sense.
Charles gripped onto his ass when they were in the moment to pull him but now he's simply enjoying the shape and curve of it in his hand. A very nice one. He pats it gently.]
To be honest, this is why we couldn't have had sex earlier. We'd get absolutely nothing else done.
[ They had mutants to recruit, a team to create, training to do, and then eventually Shaw. And the two of them would have ended up lying in bed like right now, thinking of nothing but each other. Charles would come up with all kinds of reasons why they could spend another day in bed instead of in the car, or sneaking Erik into his room at the mansion. This is already so bloody consuming and it's been two orgasms.]
I spent so much time picturing you naked, and now I can look my fill.
[ Charles does exactly that. He drops his gaze from Erik's equally handsome face to trail down his shoulders and arms, his chest and stomach somewhat painted with his own come, and down to his soft but still deliciously large cock. It is shameless the way he's admiring him. Finally his oogling moves his gaze back to Erik's eyes, smiling at him in the exact way he used to, in order to get Erik to grin at him. ]
You should probably go get something to clean us off or I'm just going to seduce you again.
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But he supposes it is nice that he can smile at Charles or hold his hand without some bigot asking to get their nose broken. And that's if Erik was feeling lenient, honestly.
To the next remark, Erik laughs. ]
Yes, I fear that all our plans may have fallen by the wayside.
[ Up to and including his goal of killing Shaw. He's almost sure that Charles would derail him from every other coherent thought if he'd been in his bed every night like he is now. Erik's already struggling to want to do literally anything else but lie here with him.
Charles is more than welcome to ogle, get his fill of it and make up for the time lost. Erik hasn't stopped gazing at Charles either, a fond and amused smile when he can feel exactly where Charles's eyes are fixed at any given moment. ]
That... [ He pulls Charles's hand close to him, pressing a kiss to his knuckles. ] Might just be a good idea.
[ Letting go before he gives into the temptation to kiss Charles yet again, he climbs out of bed and heads into the bathroom. And maybe he walks purposefully slowly so Charles can enjoy the view from behind— he's welcome. ]
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Erik laughing is beautiful to behold. Before they met he's fairly certain Erik's laughs were minimal if ever existing at all, and then together he always managed to get a smile out of him when he wanted to. But laughs are still rare enough to be treasured. It's true that they probably would have gotten very distracted from their goals if they were making love every day. They'll have to get out of this bed eventually too, but it's not a concern for now.
Charles almost persuades him to come down for a kiss instead and then distracted him all over again, but he smiles and lets him go. And not in small part because his eyes immediately are glued to Erik's ass and staring at him walk away. He whistles very deliberately as he checks him out, trying to get him to laugh again.
But damn is he sexy. Charles admires the whole length of him, from his shoulders down to his thighs and up again. Gorgeous. He's so in love with him. Charles takes the time to push himself up a little more on the bed. He can move himself well, he has good arms, and he sits with his back against the bed frame for now. He makes certain not to spill any of Erik on the bed and to keep it securely on his body, both for cleanliness and because it's his and he's possessive.]
Bring back water too, if you don't mind.
[ They've worked up a sweat, to say the least. Charles is thirsty in more than one way.]
And walk back in just as slowly. I want to oogle you in an offensive way.
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He disappears from view as he goes into the bathroom, though he tries not to take too long. He does quick work of cleaning himself with a damp towel, getting two others ready to take with him back to Charles. He doesn't bother drying himself completely but he'd rather make sure Charles is as comfortable as possible, so one to clean him and another to dry him off.
At Charles's request, he walks back out at a leisurely pace, lingering under the door frame for a few seconds, admiring Charles just as much as he's being watched himself. He does eventually move, quick detour to the table so he can fill a glass with water, then brings it to the bed, sitting by the edge of the mattress as he hands it to Charles. ]
Best not ogle too much, I'm not letting you seduce me again just yet. I fully intend to still cook you dinner tonight.
[ He must be hungry right now, despite the fact that tonight's events have taken a rather unexpected turn. It just seems a good idea to actually see to their basic needs for however long they manage to keep their hands off each other. ]
Hands away.
[ He sets the dry towel down on the bed, then with the damp one starts wiping the mess on Charles's stomach and chest. The amount of it almost surprises Erik, but for the most part he's just mesmerized by the sight, pale smooth skin marked by his release. Part of him almost wants to leave it just as it is, an impractical fantasy that really isn't even necessary when he knows that Charles belongs to him as completely as he does Charles.
His gaze flickers to Charles's face, smiling faintly. The thoughts in his mind right now undoubtedly not a secret to him, he may as well be an open book at the moment. ]
we can probably finally wrap on this one and do a new event one :D
Afraid to come too close in case I seduce you?
[ He's teasing and chuckles, putting his hands up playfully so Erik can him off. He did make quite a mess but it's been a decade. The fact he lasted as long as he did after so long a dry spell should be respected. Charles knows exactly what Erik's thinking and smirks, reaching out to caress his cheek with the back of his hand.]
You'll have endless opportunities to spill on me, love. I promise you'll be able to paint me with it every time you want to.
[ God Erik is so attractive and the fact he wants to keep that possessive edge to Charles is appealing. He likes that. He runs his fingers along his lips. They are perfect. It's clear from the gleam in Charles' eyes that he is actively considering seducing him again so with impressive fortitude, he drops his hand away before doing so. He has to believe what he is saying; they have the time. No need to act like this is the only night for them.]
I'm starving, Erik. Make me dinner like a good boyfriend.
nooo-- i mean yes, that sounds good!!
[ Not that Erik can talk much, really, given how easily he folded. But he's just teasing of course, and far be it from him to ever complain— but it's going to become a problem if they can't manage to keep their hands off each other.
He takes hold of Charles's hand briefly, kissing his knuckles before letting go. They won't lack in opportunities, he knows that. He'll make sure of it. ]
You don't have to ask twice.
[ His smile widens for a moment, then he leans in for a kiss. Brief, a quick peck at best, certainly not enough for them to get sidetracked— and now that he's done with cleaning up Charles, he gets to his feet. Before anything else he is going to get them something to wear at least, even if it's something as plain as pyjama pants and t-shirt, and with that, he'll go back to the food he barely got started. Not like he was going to cook naked, as much as Charles might have enjoyed that view. ]