[ Now that they've spun this far, Charles has no intention of going backwards. He doesn't want to stop, he doesn't want to be reasonable or logical about this, or talk about doing this proper and taking their time. Absolutely no more wasted time is acceptable to him. They can think about this after the wave of lust and need wears off and their brains return enough to talk. It's not as if they need to discuss what this is or what they are. That comes with the territory, but there are some things he plans to say. After. Not any time soon. Not with Erik's mouth on his skin.
Erik does not have to be shy about his looks. To Charles he's always been the most handsome man he's ever met, a most obnoxious quality given how it ended up, but that's not for now. He was a temptation to Charles with several layers of clothes on, naked he would have been lost. He holds Erik's gaze when Erik intentionally looks at him and lets his eyes then travel over Erik's body in open admiration once it's freed.
He wets his lips with his tongue when he gets to finally look at him and damned if he isn't impressed. He isn't surprised but perhaps a little disappointed he won't be able to fully appreciate sitting on him like he used to imagine. But he'll take what he gets.]
It's a good thing for our self-control I never saw you, I would have made it ten minutes.
[ Maybe he should have though, maybe he was a damned fool. But there is no turning back the clock. Erik's his right now. The request for bed is something he understands, having their first time on the couch isn't ideal. The way it is framed makes him consider, but Charles's pride rears its head. He isn't in a mood to be carried right then, although perhaps another time, when he's less sensitive about it. He reaches out to pull Erik into a series of small but lingering kisses, tempted to stay there just to keep it, but he agrees with him.
Charles uses his arms to pull himself back to the side of the couch where his wheelchair is and he pushes off into it. Perhaps being carried would be more romantic, but he doesn't mind getting to the bed this way. And it is for the best he has it next to the bed for when he needs to get up later. He pushes up onto the bed easily enough and gets to look at Erik when he joins him; seeing him fully naked walking there is delightful for his eyes.]
That is impressive equipment you have, my dear, I'd like to get my mouth on it.
[ Erik will find that Charles is loquacious in all aspects.]
[ Of the two, Erik is the far more impetuous one, so if Charles isn't going to be cautious about his approach, it would be silly to expect Erik to be. Besides, it feels like they're well past the point of that particular discussion by the time Erik's down to wearing nothing at all and sporting the clear beginnings of an erection.
He likes this, though. How Charles just leapt into this head first, for all the caution that he showed earlier in trusting Erik again, in letting him close. He's still not entirely sure that he's deserving of that trust, or of this place beside him, but if anything he's all the more committed now to prove to Charles (and more importantly, to himself) that he can be better. ]
Then that would have made two of us.
[ Erik would not have lasted five seconds if Charles had lunged himself at him the way he's doing now, honestly. So ten minutes actually sounds pretty damn impressive to Erik.
He did absolutely mean that he wanted to carry Charles to bed, but somehow it doesn't surprise him at all that he opts to use the chair to get himself there, his eyes rolling while Charles can't see it. Yes, while completely naked in the middle of the room. He feels like he's going to have many a disagreement with Charles's pride, but maybe this isn't the hill he wants to die on right now, and he doesn't want to ruin the mood that has settled between them, so he lets it go.
He waits until Charles has moved to the bed, making his way over, giving him ample time to look all he likes. He seems to like a lot, and Erik for one adores the heat that pools in his stomach from just feeling the weight of that gaze on him.
He can't help a surprised little sound at those words, however, a small smile as he ducks his head to the side for a moment. Shockingly, Charles manages to get just a hint of bashfulness from him. ]
Christ, Charles.
[ He climbs onto the bed, knee sunk into the mattress, shifting close enough to kiss him again. Lingering, but soft, and broken well before it even deepens. ]
I think we can arrange for that.
[ If it's what Charles wants, and he wouldn't be bringing it up if he didn't. Erik is not some fucking idiot, either. Not even in his wildest fantasies did Charles's mouth on his cock make it to the top of his list, but he sure as hell would love to have it there, so. ]
[ Charles is a menace, if he was let off his leash back then, he would have seduced Erik in less than ten minutes and then they wouldn't have gotten anything done. They both chose to be good but he has no reason to be good anymore. He is going to get a thorough taste of this man and enjoy every second of it. Perhaps there are reasons not to but he has fully forgotten it at this point. Looking at Erik naked would put the thoughts out of anyone's mind, in his opinion.
He is stubborn about the carrying this time but he'll likely give in later on. His hangups aren't going to be gone that easily, which is why he hasn't taken his pants off and has no intention of doing so. He doesn't like looking down and seeing nothing in a general way, it bothers him, but to do that in this particular context will upset him. He already feels the lack and is choosing to focus on what they can have together instead.
Charles grins at him ear-to-ear after his blatant come-on and Erik looking bloody bashful about it. Adorable. He wouldn't say anything that he didn't mean and he reaches out to playfully gesture with his hands for Erik to come closer. Close enough to kiss, to trail his fingers over his shoulders.]
Yes, in a moment. Lie next to me on your side like this.
[ Like Charles said, he has some limitations that he's working around to what won't embarrass him or make things awkward. He moves onto his side and tugs Erik down with him. When Erik does as he says he snuggles in close to him, running fingers through his hair, caressing a hand along the long length of his back. He slips back into his mind and leans in to kiss him deeply, getting back into their hot and heavy embrace. He will move down eventually but for now he's letting them enjoy this.
His hand slides up Erik's chest and he brushes his fingers against his nipple, moaning into his mouth as for the first time he feels exactly as Erik does.]
[ There are few things Erik would insist on, at the moment. He was not even anticipating this happening, certainly not today, and of the two, quite honestly, Charles if far likelier to have stipulations or boundaries that he doesn't want to cross. On the other hand, he cannot overstate just how few limits he has on what he would be willing to do, or what he would like to have. He'd rather have carried Charles to bed himself; he also would rather have him completely naked in bed; but if these aren't things Charles is comfortable with, then they're not things Erik's going to press on. There will be time, hopefully, to talk about all of that down the road.
He doesn't need much coaxing to get on the bed, climbing on and settling down beside Charles. His hand rests on a hip but soon moves up to his waist, fingers splayed out as he touches as much skin as he can reach. He delves into the kiss again, humming into his mouth, his other hand moving to Charles's neck, thumb tracing over his jaw.
He feels Charles's presence in his head again, though it's becoming more and more common, in the sense that it doesn't surprise him much when he slips in there as if he belongs. At this point, it certainly feels like he does. What is more surprising is the sound that leaves Charles when those fingers ghost across his nipple.
It works as a feedback loop; Charles feels his pleasure, and Erik in turn is all the more aroused by that reaction, the spill of heat in his mind coming from Charles, even just that moan making the hair on his nape stand on end, cock hardening from that alone. His hand on Charles's side squeezes harder, and he gasps quietly, the kiss barely breaking before he's pushing deeper into it. ]
[ It's their first time. They'll be able to negotiate more as time goes on and they explore what works for them. Charles hasn't given any thought to having sex again in general, this is off the cuff for him, so he's adapting as he goes. Until he slips into Erik's mind and feels his pleasure, he wasn't even certain that's how it would go. But it shivers through him and then Erik is giving the feedback loop of lust on top of it. He hardens and Charles feels it like it's his own, letting his own joy and pleasure settle into Erik's mind. ]
I should make you beg.
[ Charles teases and Erik can hear the laughter in his mind. It's been awhile since he had sex but Charles was like this when he did. Giddy, playful, eager, confident. Not all of that has been lost to him. It's a wonderful thing to realize that. He doesn't make Erik beg though, he pinches his nipple and rubs his fingers against the hard nub, causing him to groan.
He gets impatient now that their lust is hot and heavy between them and he moves his hand down to finally wrap around Erik's cock. God, he forgot what it felt like to have someone touch his cock, and it's not his, but it's great all the same. It's more about Erik's pleasure than his, he loves to give, but Charles is enjoying them being almost a team on this. Together. As one.]
Jesus, you're large, not certain I can take all of you in my mouth but I'm very much going to enjoy trying.
[ He's a bit out of practice but Charles isn't going to let that hold him back from a long fantasy. He moves his hand from tip to base to truly feel the full length of him. It's dry so he takes a moment to lather up his hand with his tongue, extremely suggestive of him but so is everything they're doing, and it makes it smooth enough when he starts stroking him slowly.]
[ Maybe the amusement works in a loop too, Erik certainly chuckles at those words, grin wide even as he kisses Charles again. ]
You could certainly try.
[ Erik is too stubborn to beg that easily, for all that Charles at least stands a chance, however slim. No one else would be able to get that out of him, that's for certain. Lucky that Charles isn't interested in delaying gratification right now, Erik isn't sure that he wants to find out how easily he would fold for him on that particular point.
His back arches instead into the touch of that hand, hips shifting on the bed, eager and growing more impatient by the second. When that warm hand finally makes it down to his groin, he all but shudders in relief, letting out a low moan when fingers wrap around the girth of him. It has been a long while since he's been with anyone, about as long as Charles really, but that's not the only reason it feels this good. It's that pleasure that goes back and forth, fed into the mental link between them, the absolute delight that spills from Charles overwhelming and intoxicating all on its own.
That, and the simple fact that it is Charles touching him, and he feels so stupidly in love right now he might as well be screaming it into Charles's own mind.
That thought, and every other thought in his head, gets cut short when Charles moves his hand away again, his eyes landing on the sight of him lapping up his own palm. That is far hotter than it has any right to be, the sight alone making him practically growl, pushing him to dive into a hungrier, more heated kiss, shifting closer on the bed while Charles goes back to stroking him. ]
[ Erik is on notice. Charles feels that same challenge. Although he is arrogant as hell and feels certain Erik wouldn't last long against him. They have broken past their control and he thinks there's not much they wouldn't do for each other, in exchange for what is between them now. It was always underneath them and now it's bubbled beautifully to the surface and Charles is eating it all up.
All of this feels amazing. The pleasure of it, yes, but the way their minds are twined together, the eagerness with which Erik is meeting Charles's delight on the same level. It's a high that he thinks will only get surpassed when they meet their climax, but for now it's absolutely intoxicating.
Charles feels that surge of love from Erik and his heart pounds in his chest, so loud he swears it is echoing around his ears, and he pushes his own love at him too. That along with the desire is a heady experience. They don't need to say the words to know how they feel. Maybe he'll want to speak them anyway, because it's nice to hear and communicate, but right now, it's sinking into them in a much deeper way than any words could be. Charles loves him with all of him. No matter what has happened between them.
Charles groans into the new hungry kiss and answers it with heat and need, their bodies pressed tight. He wants to consume Erik, sucking on his tongue, his hand moving faster as they both feel it. He knows that if he doesn't get his mouth on him soon he'll be too tempted to finish it like this.
He breaks the kiss to catch his breath and then wiggles his way down the bed. It's clear why this positioning works for him because he can use his side to lean on and prop up a little, brushing his mouth against Erik's chest and down to his stomach. He's hard and hot and Charles holds him steady at the base. He runs his tongue along the head and nearly loses his mind from it.]
Fuck, yes.
[ He is large but Charles is eager and laps against his tip, closing his mouth around it.]
[ He doesn't know if to dread that day or look forward to it. Alright, he's probably more looking forward to it, if only for the sheer excitement for all the things they are to explore together. He's not keen to cling to his own stubbornness at the expense of what they can have now, and more than anything he's so immensely pleased to see how eager Charles is for everything and anything they can do.
The way their minds link together now feels only like a small taste of it, feeling Charles in his head just as much as his touch on skin, the squeeze of fingers around his cock. Thought and feeling bleed into the connection, and while he can tell which parts come from him and which come from Charles, the core sentiment is so similar that he willingly lets them melt into one. As if that love is made all the better when it comes together.
He would have little objections if Charles were to just keep going like this, though the image of Charles's mouth on him is still very much vivid in his mind, so he only lets out a soft, warm breath when the kiss breaks, glancing down only in case Charles needs help shifting lower. Clearly his excitement fuels his physical strength, as he works his way down, Erik's breath catching with each brush of lips across his skin. He can't imagine how much better it will feel than having that hand on his cock, but when he feels the wet lap of a tongue across the tip, all coherent thought leaves his mind for a moment, and he lets out an unbridled moan, cheek pressed to the pillow.
His fingers weave into Charles's hair, more of a warm, encouraging touch than anything. He doesn't dare look down just now. He knows already that he's not going to last very long, and he's sure he would be done all the quicker if he actually watched Charles work his mouth on him. ]
[ Charles had given thought to this before but it always stayed as a thought, because the idea of attempting to be with anyone sounded exhausting to him. He filled his life in other ways, and then he was in a dark place, so it simply didn't happen. And he can see how that would remain for the rest of his life, with his school being all of his passion. He is thrilled though to follow his fantasies here and see for himself, and that it is with Erik of all people, the one he wanted the most. For all their problems, there has never been another, nor will there be.
There will always be a little part of him disappointed they never got to explore this the way they could if he'd thrown caution to the wind back then. He isn't going to linger in it when they are getting something beautiful in its own way, but a touch of that is reasonable. It doesn't stop this from being incredible, from Erik filling his senses and their minds intertwining together, as close as their bodies.
He'll use his hand a different time. They have options, but he had this in his head for a long time, and seeing Erik only made the impulse larger. A cock like this deserves to have a mouth on it and Charles is deeply devoted to the idea. Charles hums appreciatively when Erik's fingers are in his hair, a gentle yes good sent to his mind so he knows Charles likes it. He wouldn't mind a little more tug to it.
Charles now is focused on doing a good job. Erik is large and he's rusty but his enthusiasm is there. Mind over matter. This puts a different idea in his mind, but for another time. He lets the tip fill his mouth and sucks it in, moaning around it, tasting him. Slowly he moves his head down to consume more, relaxing his throat, pulling his head back and then down again. Each time he bobbed he takes more inside until he feels pretty damn full. It's true he won't be able to have all of it, probably, with practice he could, but he gets enough until he can feel it toward his throat.]
You taste so good, Erik, I want you every day, all the time.
[ It's Charles who is getting swallowed down too, their pleasure looping together. He wants the feel of an orgasm so he moves faster on him, up and down, his hand stroking Erik at the same time so he can stimulate every part of him, where his mouth can't get to.]
[ Coherence is something that is largely escaping him at the moment, which is quite a feat with a man like Erik. The longer Charles keeps going, the less he feels tethered to any thought that flits through his mind. The only things that linger is how good this feels, that it's Charles doing this to him, that he could spend hours brushing his fingers through those locks and not tire of it.
He still can't manage to look down, though he desperately wants to. He can feel the eagerness, the lust in the way that Charles swallows around him, and he knows that every picture that his imagination paints for him pales in comparison to reality. But he also knows that he's going to derail that much quickly as soon as he sees those lovely lips stretched around him, and so he delays it, does what he can to let this last just a little longer.
That becomes a nearly impossible task when Charles picks up on pace, and doubles his efforts on taking in more of him. His hand tightens on his hair on reflex, sparks of pleasure making his vision burst. His lips part again in another moan, fingers of his other hand twisting into the sheets, and finally, before he completely loses his mind, he tips his head down to see—
He doesn't quite know how he doesn't come right in that instant, just as he lays eyes on Charles when he's bobbing his head down and swallowing as much of his cock as he physically can. He can feel the clench of his throat just barely envelop the tip, and this time he does tug, a firmer hold on Charles's hair, breaths coming and going in sharp, stuttered bursts the closer he gets.
He at least manages to last a few bobs of his head, tugging on Charles's hair in tandem with the pace, but he knew he wasn't going to last even before he looked down at him, and now he knows it's futile to even try to hold on. ]
Charles, I can't—
[ He's not sure what he's trying to say. He can't hold off, he can't last, he can't take the maddening pleasure possessing him in this moment. He's not entirely sure what Charles is doing to him but it feels like he's being carried in a tide that goes higher and higher until he spills, in a blinding white haze as he comes onto Charles's mouth, the press of his tongue and tight drag of his lips down the length of him. ]
[ Charles knows that Erik is purposely not looking so he can last, he's in his mind, he's wrapped around his every thought. And he understands, they are both so worked up, and spiraling toward a desperate end. It's not not necessarily ego that wants him to watch him although he is getting fed plenty for his arrogance by Erik's constant desire for him. But he would feel the same way if Erik's mouth was on him, if he was this eager on Charles instead.
Charles moans loudly when Erik grabs his hair like that, rewarding Erik with a faster pump of his hand on him, turned on by the physicality of what they're doing. He forgot what it was like to be lost in heat and need and it is overwhelming his senses on every level. He knows when Erik's eyes finally stare at him and he darts his eyes back so he can look at his beautiful face. He can see the lust in Erik's eyes as he takes in Charles's open eagerness.]
Erik, please, it's been so long, take me with you.
[ Charles has fully forgotten the way an orgasm feels. The way it builds almost to the point of pain or just intense pressure. It's almost too much as his brain feels like it explodes with pleasure in an instant and he goes down as deep as he can on Erik's cock to hold him inside. He swallows him down and it's messy but it's beautiful and he floats on a wave of ecstasy.
Charles only pulls off him when he's spent because it's getting hard to breathe as he feels a little drugged from the release they shared. He is gentle as he releases Erik from his mouth and lets his hand drop, panting and rolling onto his back. He doesn't push back up the bed to look at Erik, it's too much effort when he feels fully like it was him who orgasmed, so he lies there instead.]
[ Even if he wasn't waiting to look down, he would have at Charles's mere request. Right now he would fold too easily to anything Charles asked of him, though it seems a rather dangerous precedent to give him that much power.
But right now he doesn't care, he'll gladly let the current sweep him away, and he drags Charles with him, holding on physically, clinging to him mentally. Everything he feels in that moment, the high and the blissful blind that sweeps his mind, the dead drop followed by a soaring flight, the pounding of his blood in his ears when he starts coming back down, all of it he's glad to feed Charles, to have him experience this from his perspective too. Charles is never going to wonder how he makes Erik feel, that's for certain.
He lays there panting for a brief while, eyes closed. A soft laugh leaves him when Charles speaks again, and he's more than fine with wiggling his way down the bed himself, propped on an elbow next to Charles. ]
Mm, that was easy. I didn't even need to cook you dinner to get you into bed.
[ Said with a wide, teasing smile, overflowing with warmth and affection. He leans down to kiss Charles, lingering on his lips, fingers brushing through strands of his hair once he pulls away again. The smile subsides, but his eyes stay on Charles's, voice quieter when he adds. ]
Stay the night. Please.
[ He's not above begging in this particular instance. ]
[ Charles is feeling absolutely wonderful in a way he was certain he never would again. A little dizzy over it and relaxed as if it truly was him who got the release he needed. He smiles when Erik scoots down to meet him and tips his head back in open welcome for the kiss. Good to know Erik doesn't mind kissing after that, because he is far from tired of those lips he stared at for overly long.]
Well you did start the dinner, I just decided to waylay us.
[ Not pre-meditated but he is very good with it now. They have held sexual tension within them for a long time now and it feels fantastic with it being out now. He moves onto his side again so he can snuggle up against Erik more comfortably, touching every way they can. Next time he'll probably be fine with taking off his pants, he could see the value in them being skin to skin.
He reaches up to cup Erik's face lovingly and chuckles, brusing his thumb against his lips before running it over his shoulder down to his back.]
Do I really seem like the type who would wheel my way out of here immediately after sex?
[ Not even in his player days did Charles do that. He enjoyed intimacy too much. He was an excellent partner with his one-night stands, and never had any complaints. Sometimes it would be a situation where the other person wanted them to leave quickly, typically with men, but cuddling is his preference.
The begging is nice but it makes him soften for it sounds like Erik truly had some kind of concern about that.]
You're finally mine, Erik, I'm not going anywhere.
[ He can guess how long it's been since Charles ate, and he doesn't intend to let him go much longer on an empty stomach. Maybe not right away, he's rather enjoying their current position right now a little too much to want to move, but eventually he'll get back to that.
He smiles faintly when Charles brushes a thumb over his lips, his own hand moving to his back, tracing up his spine. ]
Not at all. It wasn't why I asked.
[ He understands this is more complicated for Charles than it is for him. That there are X-Men here, living in very much close proximity to them. Maybe it's an exaggerated concern that they should come knocking on Charles's door only not to find him there, but he wouldn't be surprised if it was a worry weighing on his mind right now.
Well, at least none of them are going to come to Erik's room, so at least there's that. He's content enough with the answer, palm pressing between Charles's shoulder blades, holding him close as he leans in and brushes their noses together, kisses Charles's cheek. Lord, he is, he really is his. He could stay forever and Erik would have absolutely no objections to it. ]
[ It's true Charles forgot to eat and he is hungry but he is willing to wait longer so they can linger with each other. He doesn't want to break this moment yet. He looks into Erik's beloved eyes, his handsome face, leaning in to kiss him. It's a novelty he's just gotten and he is so happy about it. Whatever negative feelings he had, they won't forever stay away, but for right now, Charles is letting himself have it.]
Ah, yes, I see.
[ Their minds are still very closely wound together and Charles loosens up on that, he withdraws to a reasonable level so Erik doesn't have to worry about every single thought being bled over. He didn't fully consider the reality of the situation until now because it only just happened, but they are living in close quarters, and he is not in any way ready to talk about this with other people.
He caresses his fingers over Erik's strong arm and then up along his chest, resting his hand over Erik's heart to feel his heartbeat. He might have withdrawn their minds so he could think too, not that it would change anything about this.]
I'd like to keep this private for now. I know when I can leave without any prying eyes.
[ He knows where all the familiar minds are around him. It's easy.]
[ He wasn't planning on moving right this moment, if anything he finds it difficult to even make himself think about moving again. Just being this close to Charles, feeling the touch of skin on skin, lips soft and warm against his own. He would probably be content to just lie here for the rest of the evening, get by on the cheapest possible snacks he has at hand.
It is a strange feeling, in a way, when Charles withdraws from his mind. Not entirely, but enough for Erik to notice, and to need a moment to readjust. There's something funny in the fact that Erik's the one already overthinking and worrying about the complications while Charles didn't seem to even consider them completely until just now, especially when it affects Charles more closely than it does Erik.
His hand moves from Charles's back, fingertips ghosting down the length of his arm, brushing against the back of his hand where it rests over Erik's heart. ]
Well, I can't say it's my favorite thing. [ Well he's honest, if nothing else. Not that he would have reason to lie now, of all times. ] But I understand.
[ Personally Erik couldn't give less of a shit about who knows, but he's well aware of why that's different for Charles. He would also prefer avoiding needless tension and confrontations, which would no doubt roll down his way as soon as some of the mutants here learned about them, so yes. Keeping this private is the smart, sensible choice. ]
[ Charles hasn't given it thought because he's so used to them not talking about it and it passing them by to treat it as a concrete option. They were always one or two steps away from giving into this though so perhaps his overthinking mind should have jumped here, but that goes to show how used he was to brushing off the concept of them. Not out of desire, he is here, he wants it, there is no doubt with how close he is to Erik, but necessity. ]
I just would like us to know what we're doing here and settle in before other opinions enter the mix.
[ Sex itself is not ultimately that complicated even with the limitations, but everything surrounding it can be. And Charles is not ready to look Scott or Logan in the eye and tell them his feelings on this matter. Because it's complicated. He also told them Erik dropped a stadium on him, so the two truths are difficult to explain on the same breath.
He would have wanted this to be private if they got together in the past too. Not only because he prefers it that way, but due to the time they were in where two men together would have been a problem. Clearly neither of them have any questions regarding their sexual desires so that was never a concern for them, but he was not of the mindset to shout off a rooftop in this situation.
Charles kisses him long and lingering because he's allowed to now and he's stared at his lips wanting this, even when they were fighting. On the plane after their fight his eyes traveled there without his permission as they played chess. It's embarrassing at this point how down he is.]
We don't need to have the relationship talk, do we? I think we know what we want.
[ To be fair, Charles has always been the more reasonable of the two. Erik would fight for his right to exist publicly in a relationship with another man just as he would fight for mutant rights. Any discrimination would feel unacceptable to him, and he's always been unafraid to be who he is for anyone else to see. Even if it got him arrested, labeled a terrorist, chased across the world—
Let's just say it's a good thing that Charles is more reasonable. Erik would know the consequences and still not give a damn.
He leans back in, presses into that kiss, soft and lingering, thumb brushing over Charles's knuckles. In this moment, he can't possibly imagine ever tiring of this.
When he pulls away, meeting Charles's gaze, he very nearly chuckles at that question. No, they definitely don't need to have that talk (he doesn't feel that need, at least), but if Charles asks, then perhaps there is a part of him that needs it. So, he takes a slow breath, squeezes the hand in his, and keeps his gaze locked with Charles's when he speaks again, a touch softer now. ]
I love you, Charles. Despite my mistakes, my faults, my temper— you are... everything I could possibly need, here.
[ He could make it even worse, say that Charles completes him in ways that he wasn't even aware he was lacking, that he balances him, that he's shone a light in the deepest cracks in his heart. But maybe that's just sappy enough for right now. ]
[ Charles is too cautious for that. The secrecy then would have been more about the world at large than personal connections though, he didn't think any of their team would have cared (or been surprised!) at the two of them. In this case it seems more likely individuals would be upset rather than the whole, he's been here long enough to notice a lot of the same prejudices from their time don't seem to matter as much. It's not only the presence of supernaturals being shrugged off, it's anything that might have gotten negative attention for being othered. So that's one good thing he'll give this place.
And this is another one. The two of them have the freedom to be together without all the reasons back home holding them back. Charles would have felt differently about trusting Erik if he hadn't so sincerely tried to prove he had changed, but he does believe him.
His eyebrows raise at the love confession and he isn't surprised, they know exactly how they feel about each other, it's just that for some reason, Charles never expected to hear it out loud. They've shared it in such a personal way, but he finds that his heart beats a little faster. He likes hearing it. He smiles and takes Erik's hand, bringing it to his lips.]
I remember the exact moment I fell in love with you.
[ Charles smiles and presses Erik's hand to his cheek.]
It was when you decided to stay and insisted we find the mutants alone. Together. I looked at you and I could see all that we might become.
[ That is why Charles gives Erik a lot of credit involving the beginning of the X-Men. It was a joint effort. Erik was a part of it, he helped more than he thought, and also focused Charles's mind. He wouldn't have thought to push the CIA out of his journey because he was eager to get started, but Erik was right about that.]
And then I spent a torturous amount of time on the road falling deeper in love with you with every day. Horrible.
[ Charles laughs and snuggles in closer, leaning their foreheads against each other, content to be in Erik's embrace. They knew they loved each other but the details he hasn't mentioned before. It was never only about lust with Erik, although he had plenty of that. He adored him, his most beloved. His gaze becomes more serious.]
Please, promise me you won't let the worst get the better of you, Erik. I can't survive another heartache like that.
[ He doesn't need to say it aloud, and he's well aware of that. They've already expressed it in ways much deeper and more encompassing than words ever could, and if he thought he knew Charles's feelings before, then the time he poured all of their memories back into Erik's mind while he found pieces of him stolen away by that mannequin made him completely sure of it.
But he wants to say it. He wants to express it in as many ways as he can, and words are one of those ways. It's all the more worth it when he sees that glimmer in Charles's gaze, the smile that takes over his features. Erik doesn't have a hand resting over his heart but he is sure that he can feel the quicker beating of his heart, too. ]
You saw more than I ever did.
[ He was so blinded by grief, by rage, the desire to see his goals through. He can't even say the precise moment that he realised how he felt because he so often contained it so it wouldn't change his mind on his plans. He was going to kill Shaw, that was all it mattered until it wasn't, until Charles mattered, until a better future mattered, and all of it came crashing down at once.
Charles laughs but Erik still feels a bitter taste at the back of his throat. There's always going to be some regret for the time wasted, and the hurt caused, and how willing he was to just leave all of that behind. What a fucking fool he is.
His eyes close, and he nods gently, his forehead still pressed against Charles's. He cups his cheek, moving until he can weave his fingers through Charles's hair. ]
I promise you.
[ With every fiber of his being, he wants to believe that he can keep that promise. ]
[ Charles has only loved one person and so everything they do is technically new to him. He didn't think he cared one way or another to hear the words when they shared so much more than that, but it turns out it was quite nice. Perhaps he needs more reassurance than he expected. Their love is old but in action it's new.
He feels a twist in him too, at the idea of losing what they gained, at a fear of abandonment coming across him again. He breathes through it. It was one of the things holding him back, and it won't here, but he knows that emotions are complicated. And that is why he just feels things and moves past them. Here in Erik's arms, he wants nothing to tie him away from it.]
I saw you, Erik. You were at your best with us. It's not gone.
[ Erik let his anger and pain get the better of him, which is understandable given the trauma he went through to get there. Perhaps if they had more time, and frankly, now that they've had this, Charles may have been right. This could have changed things ... or made it so much worse. Either way, Erik has the chance again. A life free from Shaw and with Charles in his bed. Charles has high hopes for him. For them.
He nuzzles Erik's nose with his own, breathing him in. This intimacy is unknown to him but it's what he longed for more than simply sex. It was never about sex with Erik ... although obviously he is very pleased to have it. He thinks of the pain that separated them and caresses Erik's cheek.]
Don't leave me again. If this place takes you like Raven, so be it, but not by choice. Come back to me. Every day be mine.
[ Erik had been alone for most of his life, he never really knew what it was to rely on anyone, and in many ways he never truly got it right, even after meeting Charles, after they formed the first class. Trying to hold onto something that he didn't know how to keep or cherish back then was a nigh impossible task, and one he failed quite monumentally.
Repercussions from that still linger, even as he feels Charles's trust in him repaired to some degree. He can still sense that worry in him, the fear of losing him again. Losing this. Maybe only time will make that fear go away. Erik knows he's doing what he can to mend that, so he can only hope that time is the answer. ]
I'm right here. [ He brushes his thumb over Charles's cheek, keeping their gazes locked. Not that Charles needs it to look into Erik's mind right now and see that he means that genuinely, but it makes him feel like they're closer. Like their souls touch. ] God, Charles, I have always been yours. I will come back to you always.
[ So long as it's within his power, but he would much rather not think of the alternative. Of being taken away from this place, or Charles to be the one disappearing. ]
[ Charles was never alone with Raven so he was lucky that way, and he knew it. While he didn't make a lot of friends outside of her, they had each other, and he has no idea what his life would be like without her. Or at least he didn't, until he had to, but to be fair, he still had Hank then. He's never truly been alone and he knows that Erik has been.
All the hope in the world can't fully push away trauma and while Charles has come a long way, the loss of Erik and Raven and his legs wasn't a simple one to get past. He tries but some part of him will hold onto that pain and he wants to push forward. He is doing so by grasping onto this all of him. But just as he finds he didn't mind hearing Erik say he loves him out loud, it turns out hearing his reassurance also helps.
Charles's eyes water as he looks back at Erik and that love he feels is both beautiful and painful. Fear is no small part of him right now but he isn't letting it stop him. ]
I know we shouldn't look backward, but I'm just so angry at all the foolish mistakes we made. [ Not only Erik. Charles is including himself, he is far from perfect.] We wasted so much time. [ Little does he know that is a regret their future selves held too, at the end.]
[ They both know that this won't be easy. None of it will be, really. There's too much history, too much hurt for things to magically be fixed simply because they've taken this step in their relationship. It is wonderful, and possibly as happy as Erik could hope to be in this moment, but there will still be so much for them to work through. Charles especially had to go through so much in the past ten years. This can't just make things right overnight.
But they have one another, and facing all of this together will still be better than having to do it all on their own. Maybe back in their world, they would have to do so. Charles back at the mansion, Erik hiding under another identity. Who knows if they would have ever even seen each other again. But here they have each other to rely on, it already makes things infinitely better. ]
Don't think that way. [ Don't cry, please. That very nearly makes Erik's eyes fill with tears too, sucking in a breath. ] Just think of the time we have ahead. All of the things we can have now.
[ Erik has never been one to look back with that kind of regret. They can't go back and change how everything went down, but they can learn from it, make it all different. He doesn't like to think of it as time wasted, when to him every minute he gets to have with Charles will always feel like a precious gift. ]
[ If Charles tried to brush off all his feelings, it would only stay inside him making him sick until it came out in another way. He did that for a decade and it became poison in him, getting worse as his obsession with blocking his powers kept him from himself. Being genuinely happy in this moment with Erik does remind him of how unhappy he was before, and it causes regret.
He just doesn't want to hurt anymore. He knows he's not the only one, that Erik has hurt too, but it did lay over his shoulders for years, making him less of the man he was. Charles has come a long way since coming here, but he's not recovered fully. And this may help with that, because it is giving something he thought he had to live without.
He smiles weakly at Erik and lets out a watery laugh.]
Look at you, being the optimist.
[ The one who apparently can see the time they have ahead and everything they can do together, rather than Charles who is dragging his heels in the past. In a way they've swapped positions, with Erik before having been so dragged down by Shaw and his past, and Charles always excited about what comes next.]
I love you, Erik.
[ He pulls Erik into a deep kiss the seal the way he feels and shares it between their bond, the brightness of his love mixed with the pain he feels, but can overcome. His arm slides around Erik's neck, fingers into his hair, as he kisses him like the first time.]
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Erik does not have to be shy about his looks. To Charles he's always been the most handsome man he's ever met, a most obnoxious quality given how it ended up, but that's not for now. He was a temptation to Charles with several layers of clothes on, naked he would have been lost. He holds Erik's gaze when Erik intentionally looks at him and lets his eyes then travel over Erik's body in open admiration once it's freed.
He wets his lips with his tongue when he gets to finally look at him and damned if he isn't impressed. He isn't surprised but perhaps a little disappointed he won't be able to fully appreciate sitting on him like he used to imagine. But he'll take what he gets.]
It's a good thing for our self-control I never saw you, I would have made it ten minutes.
[ Maybe he should have though, maybe he was a damned fool. But there is no turning back the clock. Erik's his right now. The request for bed is something he understands, having their first time on the couch isn't ideal. The way it is framed makes him consider, but Charles's pride rears its head. He isn't in a mood to be carried right then, although perhaps another time, when he's less sensitive about it. He reaches out to pull Erik into a series of small but lingering kisses, tempted to stay there just to keep it, but he agrees with him.
Charles uses his arms to pull himself back to the side of the couch where his wheelchair is and he pushes off into it. Perhaps being carried would be more romantic, but he doesn't mind getting to the bed this way. And it is for the best he has it next to the bed for when he needs to get up later. He pushes up onto the bed easily enough and gets to look at Erik when he joins him; seeing him fully naked walking there is delightful for his eyes.]
That is impressive equipment you have, my dear, I'd like to get my mouth on it.
[ Erik will find that Charles is loquacious in all aspects.]
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He likes this, though. How Charles just leapt into this head first, for all the caution that he showed earlier in trusting Erik again, in letting him close. He's still not entirely sure that he's deserving of that trust, or of this place beside him, but if anything he's all the more committed now to prove to Charles (and more importantly, to himself) that he can be better. ]
Then that would have made two of us.
[ Erik would not have lasted five seconds if Charles had lunged himself at him the way he's doing now, honestly. So ten minutes actually sounds pretty damn impressive to Erik.
He did absolutely mean that he wanted to carry Charles to bed, but somehow it doesn't surprise him at all that he opts to use the chair to get himself there, his eyes rolling while Charles can't see it. Yes, while completely naked in the middle of the room. He feels like he's going to have many a disagreement with Charles's pride, but maybe this isn't the hill he wants to die on right now, and he doesn't want to ruin the mood that has settled between them, so he lets it go.
He waits until Charles has moved to the bed, making his way over, giving him ample time to look all he likes. He seems to like a lot, and Erik for one adores the heat that pools in his stomach from just feeling the weight of that gaze on him.
He can't help a surprised little sound at those words, however, a small smile as he ducks his head to the side for a moment. Shockingly, Charles manages to get just a hint of bashfulness from him. ]
Christ, Charles.
[ He climbs onto the bed, knee sunk into the mattress, shifting close enough to kiss him again. Lingering, but soft, and broken well before it even deepens. ]
I think we can arrange for that.
[ If it's what Charles wants, and he wouldn't be bringing it up if he didn't. Erik is not some fucking idiot, either. Not even in his wildest fantasies did Charles's mouth on his cock make it to the top of his list, but he sure as hell would love to have it there, so. ]
Now?
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He is stubborn about the carrying this time but he'll likely give in later on. His hangups aren't going to be gone that easily, which is why he hasn't taken his pants off and has no intention of doing so. He doesn't like looking down and seeing nothing in a general way, it bothers him, but to do that in this particular context will upset him. He already feels the lack and is choosing to focus on what they can have together instead.
Charles grins at him ear-to-ear after his blatant come-on and Erik looking bloody bashful about it. Adorable. He wouldn't say anything that he didn't mean and he reaches out to playfully gesture with his hands for Erik to come closer. Close enough to kiss, to trail his fingers over his shoulders.]
Yes, in a moment. Lie next to me on your side like this.
[ Like Charles said, he has some limitations that he's working around to what won't embarrass him or make things awkward. He moves onto his side and tugs Erik down with him. When Erik does as he says he snuggles in close to him, running fingers through his hair, caressing a hand along the long length of his back. He slips back into his mind and leans in to kiss him deeply, getting back into their hot and heavy embrace. He will move down eventually but for now he's letting them enjoy this.
His hand slides up Erik's chest and he brushes his fingers against his nipple, moaning into his mouth as for the first time he feels exactly as Erik does.]
God, yes, it works.
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He doesn't need much coaxing to get on the bed, climbing on and settling down beside Charles. His hand rests on a hip but soon moves up to his waist, fingers splayed out as he touches as much skin as he can reach. He delves into the kiss again, humming into his mouth, his other hand moving to Charles's neck, thumb tracing over his jaw.
He feels Charles's presence in his head again, though it's becoming more and more common, in the sense that it doesn't surprise him much when he slips in there as if he belongs. At this point, it certainly feels like he does. What is more surprising is the sound that leaves Charles when those fingers ghost across his nipple.
It works as a feedback loop; Charles feels his pleasure, and Erik in turn is all the more aroused by that reaction, the spill of heat in his mind coming from Charles, even just that moan making the hair on his nape stand on end, cock hardening from that alone. His hand on Charles's side squeezes harder, and he gasps quietly, the kiss barely breaking before he's pushing deeper into it. ]
That felt good. Touch me more.
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I should make you beg.
[ Charles teases and Erik can hear the laughter in his mind. It's been awhile since he had sex but Charles was like this when he did. Giddy, playful, eager, confident. Not all of that has been lost to him. It's a wonderful thing to realize that. He doesn't make Erik beg though, he pinches his nipple and rubs his fingers against the hard nub, causing him to groan.
He gets impatient now that their lust is hot and heavy between them and he moves his hand down to finally wrap around Erik's cock. God, he forgot what it felt like to have someone touch his cock, and it's not his, but it's great all the same. It's more about Erik's pleasure than his, he loves to give, but Charles is enjoying them being almost a team on this. Together. As one.]
Jesus, you're large, not certain I can take all of you in my mouth but I'm very much going to enjoy trying.
[ He's a bit out of practice but Charles isn't going to let that hold him back from a long fantasy. He moves his hand from tip to base to truly feel the full length of him. It's dry so he takes a moment to lather up his hand with his tongue, extremely suggestive of him but so is everything they're doing, and it makes it smooth enough when he starts stroking him slowly.]
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You could certainly try.
[ Erik is too stubborn to beg that easily, for all that Charles at least stands a chance, however slim. No one else would be able to get that out of him, that's for certain. Lucky that Charles isn't interested in delaying gratification right now, Erik isn't sure that he wants to find out how easily he would fold for him on that particular point.
His back arches instead into the touch of that hand, hips shifting on the bed, eager and growing more impatient by the second. When that warm hand finally makes it down to his groin, he all but shudders in relief, letting out a low moan when fingers wrap around the girth of him. It has been a long while since he's been with anyone, about as long as Charles really, but that's not the only reason it feels this good. It's that pleasure that goes back and forth, fed into the mental link between them, the absolute delight that spills from Charles overwhelming and intoxicating all on its own.
That, and the simple fact that it is Charles touching him, and he feels so stupidly in love right now he might as well be screaming it into Charles's own mind.
That thought, and every other thought in his head, gets cut short when Charles moves his hand away again, his eyes landing on the sight of him lapping up his own palm. That is far hotter than it has any right to be, the sight alone making him practically growl, pushing him to dive into a hungrier, more heated kiss, shifting closer on the bed while Charles goes back to stroking him. ]
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[ Erik is on notice. Charles feels that same challenge. Although he is arrogant as hell and feels certain Erik wouldn't last long against him. They have broken past their control and he thinks there's not much they wouldn't do for each other, in exchange for what is between them now. It was always underneath them and now it's bubbled beautifully to the surface and Charles is eating it all up.
All of this feels amazing. The pleasure of it, yes, but the way their minds are twined together, the eagerness with which Erik is meeting Charles's delight on the same level. It's a high that he thinks will only get surpassed when they meet their climax, but for now it's absolutely intoxicating.
Charles feels that surge of love from Erik and his heart pounds in his chest, so loud he swears it is echoing around his ears, and he pushes his own love at him too. That along with the desire is a heady experience. They don't need to say the words to know how they feel. Maybe he'll want to speak them anyway, because it's nice to hear and communicate, but right now, it's sinking into them in a much deeper way than any words could be. Charles loves him with all of him. No matter what has happened between them.
Charles groans into the new hungry kiss and answers it with heat and need, their bodies pressed tight. He wants to consume Erik, sucking on his tongue, his hand moving faster as they both feel it. He knows that if he doesn't get his mouth on him soon he'll be too tempted to finish it like this.
He breaks the kiss to catch his breath and then wiggles his way down the bed. It's clear why this positioning works for him because he can use his side to lean on and prop up a little, brushing his mouth against Erik's chest and down to his stomach. He's hard and hot and Charles holds him steady at the base. He runs his tongue along the head and nearly loses his mind from it.]
Fuck, yes.
[ He is large but Charles is eager and laps against his tip, closing his mouth around it.]
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The way their minds link together now feels only like a small taste of it, feeling Charles in his head just as much as his touch on skin, the squeeze of fingers around his cock. Thought and feeling bleed into the connection, and while he can tell which parts come from him and which come from Charles, the core sentiment is so similar that he willingly lets them melt into one. As if that love is made all the better when it comes together.
He would have little objections if Charles were to just keep going like this, though the image of Charles's mouth on him is still very much vivid in his mind, so he only lets out a soft, warm breath when the kiss breaks, glancing down only in case Charles needs help shifting lower. Clearly his excitement fuels his physical strength, as he works his way down, Erik's breath catching with each brush of lips across his skin. He can't imagine how much better it will feel than having that hand on his cock, but when he feels the wet lap of a tongue across the tip, all coherent thought leaves his mind for a moment, and he lets out an unbridled moan, cheek pressed to the pillow.
His fingers weave into Charles's hair, more of a warm, encouraging touch than anything. He doesn't dare look down just now. He knows already that he's not going to last very long, and he's sure he would be done all the quicker if he actually watched Charles work his mouth on him. ]
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There will always be a little part of him disappointed they never got to explore this the way they could if he'd thrown caution to the wind back then. He isn't going to linger in it when they are getting something beautiful in its own way, but a touch of that is reasonable. It doesn't stop this from being incredible, from Erik filling his senses and their minds intertwining together, as close as their bodies.
He'll use his hand a different time. They have options, but he had this in his head for a long time, and seeing Erik only made the impulse larger. A cock like this deserves to have a mouth on it and Charles is deeply devoted to the idea. Charles hums appreciatively when Erik's fingers are in his hair, a gentle yes good sent to his mind so he knows Charles likes it. He wouldn't mind a little more tug to it.
Charles now is focused on doing a good job. Erik is large and he's rusty but his enthusiasm is there. Mind over matter. This puts a different idea in his mind, but for another time. He lets the tip fill his mouth and sucks it in, moaning around it, tasting him. Slowly he moves his head down to consume more, relaxing his throat, pulling his head back and then down again. Each time he bobbed he takes more inside until he feels pretty damn full. It's true he won't be able to have all of it, probably, with practice he could, but he gets enough until he can feel it toward his throat.]
You taste so good, Erik, I want you every day, all the time.
[ It's Charles who is getting swallowed down too, their pleasure looping together. He wants the feel of an orgasm so he moves faster on him, up and down, his hand stroking Erik at the same time so he can stimulate every part of him, where his mouth can't get to.]
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He still can't manage to look down, though he desperately wants to. He can feel the eagerness, the lust in the way that Charles swallows around him, and he knows that every picture that his imagination paints for him pales in comparison to reality. But he also knows that he's going to derail that much quickly as soon as he sees those lovely lips stretched around him, and so he delays it, does what he can to let this last just a little longer.
That becomes a nearly impossible task when Charles picks up on pace, and doubles his efforts on taking in more of him. His hand tightens on his hair on reflex, sparks of pleasure making his vision burst. His lips part again in another moan, fingers of his other hand twisting into the sheets, and finally, before he completely loses his mind, he tips his head down to see—
He doesn't quite know how he doesn't come right in that instant, just as he lays eyes on Charles when he's bobbing his head down and swallowing as much of his cock as he physically can. He can feel the clench of his throat just barely envelop the tip, and this time he does tug, a firmer hold on Charles's hair, breaths coming and going in sharp, stuttered bursts the closer he gets.
He at least manages to last a few bobs of his head, tugging on Charles's hair in tandem with the pace, but he knew he wasn't going to last even before he looked down at him, and now he knows it's futile to even try to hold on. ]
Charles, I can't—
[ He's not sure what he's trying to say. He can't hold off, he can't last, he can't take the maddening pleasure possessing him in this moment. He's not entirely sure what Charles is doing to him but it feels like he's being carried in a tide that goes higher and higher until he spills, in a blinding white haze as he comes onto Charles's mouth, the press of his tongue and tight drag of his lips down the length of him. ]
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[ Charles knows that Erik is purposely not looking so he can last, he's in his mind, he's wrapped around his every thought. And he understands, they are both so worked up, and spiraling toward a desperate end. It's not not necessarily ego that wants him to watch him although he is getting fed plenty for his arrogance by Erik's constant desire for him. But he would feel the same way if Erik's mouth was on him, if he was this eager on Charles instead.
Charles moans loudly when Erik grabs his hair like that, rewarding Erik with a faster pump of his hand on him, turned on by the physicality of what they're doing. He forgot what it was like to be lost in heat and need and it is overwhelming his senses on every level. He knows when Erik's eyes finally stare at him and he darts his eyes back so he can look at his beautiful face. He can see the lust in Erik's eyes as he takes in Charles's open eagerness.]
Erik, please, it's been so long, take me with you.
[ Charles has fully forgotten the way an orgasm feels. The way it builds almost to the point of pain or just intense pressure. It's almost too much as his brain feels like it explodes with pleasure in an instant and he goes down as deep as he can on Erik's cock to hold him inside. He swallows him down and it's messy but it's beautiful and he floats on a wave of ecstasy.
Charles only pulls off him when he's spent because it's getting hard to breathe as he feels a little drugged from the release they shared. He is gentle as he releases Erik from his mouth and lets his hand drop, panting and rolling onto his back. He doesn't push back up the bed to look at Erik, it's too much effort when he feels fully like it was him who orgasmed, so he lies there instead.]
Thank you.
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But right now he doesn't care, he'll gladly let the current sweep him away, and he drags Charles with him, holding on physically, clinging to him mentally. Everything he feels in that moment, the high and the blissful blind that sweeps his mind, the dead drop followed by a soaring flight, the pounding of his blood in his ears when he starts coming back down, all of it he's glad to feed Charles, to have him experience this from his perspective too. Charles is never going to wonder how he makes Erik feel, that's for certain.
He lays there panting for a brief while, eyes closed. A soft laugh leaves him when Charles speaks again, and he's more than fine with wiggling his way down the bed himself, propped on an elbow next to Charles. ]
Mm, that was easy. I didn't even need to cook you dinner to get you into bed.
[ Said with a wide, teasing smile, overflowing with warmth and affection. He leans down to kiss Charles, lingering on his lips, fingers brushing through strands of his hair once he pulls away again. The smile subsides, but his eyes stay on Charles's, voice quieter when he adds. ]
Stay the night. Please.
[ He's not above begging in this particular instance. ]
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Well you did start the dinner, I just decided to waylay us.
[ Not pre-meditated but he is very good with it now. They have held sexual tension within them for a long time now and it feels fantastic with it being out now. He moves onto his side again so he can snuggle up against Erik more comfortably, touching every way they can. Next time he'll probably be fine with taking off his pants, he could see the value in them being skin to skin.
He reaches up to cup Erik's face lovingly and chuckles, brusing his thumb against his lips before running it over his shoulder down to his back.]
Do I really seem like the type who would wheel my way out of here immediately after sex?
[ Not even in his player days did Charles do that. He enjoyed intimacy too much. He was an excellent partner with his one-night stands, and never had any complaints. Sometimes it would be a situation where the other person wanted them to leave quickly, typically with men, but cuddling is his preference.
The begging is nice but it makes him soften for it sounds like Erik truly had some kind of concern about that.]
You're finally mine, Erik, I'm not going anywhere.
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[ He can guess how long it's been since Charles ate, and he doesn't intend to let him go much longer on an empty stomach. Maybe not right away, he's rather enjoying their current position right now a little too much to want to move, but eventually he'll get back to that.
He smiles faintly when Charles brushes a thumb over his lips, his own hand moving to his back, tracing up his spine. ]
Not at all. It wasn't why I asked.
[ He understands this is more complicated for Charles than it is for him. That there are X-Men here, living in very much close proximity to them. Maybe it's an exaggerated concern that they should come knocking on Charles's door only not to find him there, but he wouldn't be surprised if it was a worry weighing on his mind right now.
Well, at least none of them are going to come to Erik's room, so at least there's that. He's content enough with the answer, palm pressing between Charles's shoulder blades, holding him close as he leans in and brushes their noses together, kisses Charles's cheek. Lord, he is, he really is his. He could stay forever and Erik would have absolutely no objections to it. ]
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[ It's true Charles forgot to eat and he is hungry but he is willing to wait longer so they can linger with each other. He doesn't want to break this moment yet. He looks into Erik's beloved eyes, his handsome face, leaning in to kiss him. It's a novelty he's just gotten and he is so happy about it. Whatever negative feelings he had, they won't forever stay away, but for right now, Charles is letting himself have it.]
Ah, yes, I see.
[ Their minds are still very closely wound together and Charles loosens up on that, he withdraws to a reasonable level so Erik doesn't have to worry about every single thought being bled over. He didn't fully consider the reality of the situation until now because it only just happened, but they are living in close quarters, and he is not in any way ready to talk about this with other people.
He caresses his fingers over Erik's strong arm and then up along his chest, resting his hand over Erik's heart to feel his heartbeat. He might have withdrawn their minds so he could think too, not that it would change anything about this.]
I'd like to keep this private for now. I know when I can leave without any prying eyes.
[ He knows where all the familiar minds are around him. It's easy.]
You don't mind, do you?
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It is a strange feeling, in a way, when Charles withdraws from his mind. Not entirely, but enough for Erik to notice, and to need a moment to readjust. There's something funny in the fact that Erik's the one already overthinking and worrying about the complications while Charles didn't seem to even consider them completely until just now, especially when it affects Charles more closely than it does Erik.
His hand moves from Charles's back, fingertips ghosting down the length of his arm, brushing against the back of his hand where it rests over Erik's heart. ]
Well, I can't say it's my favorite thing. [ Well he's honest, if nothing else. Not that he would have reason to lie now, of all times. ] But I understand.
[ Personally Erik couldn't give less of a shit about who knows, but he's well aware of why that's different for Charles. He would also prefer avoiding needless tension and confrontations, which would no doubt roll down his way as soon as some of the mutants here learned about them, so yes. Keeping this private is the smart, sensible choice. ]
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I just would like us to know what we're doing here and settle in before other opinions enter the mix.
[ Sex itself is not ultimately that complicated even with the limitations, but everything surrounding it can be. And Charles is not ready to look Scott or Logan in the eye and tell them his feelings on this matter. Because it's complicated. He also told them Erik dropped a stadium on him, so the two truths are difficult to explain on the same breath.
He would have wanted this to be private if they got together in the past too. Not only because he prefers it that way, but due to the time they were in where two men together would have been a problem. Clearly neither of them have any questions regarding their sexual desires so that was never a concern for them, but he was not of the mindset to shout off a rooftop in this situation.
Charles kisses him long and lingering because he's allowed to now and he's stared at his lips wanting this, even when they were fighting. On the plane after their fight his eyes traveled there without his permission as they played chess. It's embarrassing at this point how down he is.]
We don't need to have the relationship talk, do we? I think we know what we want.
[ Each other and not a damn thing else.]
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Let's just say it's a good thing that Charles is more reasonable. Erik would know the consequences and still not give a damn.
He leans back in, presses into that kiss, soft and lingering, thumb brushing over Charles's knuckles. In this moment, he can't possibly imagine ever tiring of this.
When he pulls away, meeting Charles's gaze, he very nearly chuckles at that question. No, they definitely don't need to have that talk (he doesn't feel that need, at least), but if Charles asks, then perhaps there is a part of him that needs it. So, he takes a slow breath, squeezes the hand in his, and keeps his gaze locked with Charles's when he speaks again, a touch softer now. ]
I love you, Charles. Despite my mistakes, my faults, my temper— you are... everything I could possibly need, here.
[ He could make it even worse, say that Charles completes him in ways that he wasn't even aware he was lacking, that he balances him, that he's shone a light in the deepest cracks in his heart. But maybe that's just sappy enough for right now. ]
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And this is another one. The two of them have the freedom to be together without all the reasons back home holding them back. Charles would have felt differently about trusting Erik if he hadn't so sincerely tried to prove he had changed, but he does believe him.
His eyebrows raise at the love confession and he isn't surprised, they know exactly how they feel about each other, it's just that for some reason, Charles never expected to hear it out loud. They've shared it in such a personal way, but he finds that his heart beats a little faster. He likes hearing it. He smiles and takes Erik's hand, bringing it to his lips.]
I remember the exact moment I fell in love with you.
[ Charles smiles and presses Erik's hand to his cheek.]
It was when you decided to stay and insisted we find the mutants alone. Together. I looked at you and I could see all that we might become.
[ That is why Charles gives Erik a lot of credit involving the beginning of the X-Men. It was a joint effort. Erik was a part of it, he helped more than he thought, and also focused Charles's mind. He wouldn't have thought to push the CIA out of his journey because he was eager to get started, but Erik was right about that.]
And then I spent a torturous amount of time on the road falling deeper in love with you with every day. Horrible.
[ Charles laughs and snuggles in closer, leaning their foreheads against each other, content to be in Erik's embrace. They knew they loved each other but the details he hasn't mentioned before. It was never only about lust with Erik, although he had plenty of that. He adored him, his most beloved. His gaze becomes more serious.]
Please, promise me you won't let the worst get the better of you, Erik. I can't survive another heartache like that.
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But he wants to say it. He wants to express it in as many ways as he can, and words are one of those ways. It's all the more worth it when he sees that glimmer in Charles's gaze, the smile that takes over his features. Erik doesn't have a hand resting over his heart but he is sure that he can feel the quicker beating of his heart, too. ]
You saw more than I ever did.
[ He was so blinded by grief, by rage, the desire to see his goals through. He can't even say the precise moment that he realised how he felt because he so often contained it so it wouldn't change his mind on his plans. He was going to kill Shaw, that was all it mattered until it wasn't, until Charles mattered, until a better future mattered, and all of it came crashing down at once.
Charles laughs but Erik still feels a bitter taste at the back of his throat. There's always going to be some regret for the time wasted, and the hurt caused, and how willing he was to just leave all of that behind. What a fucking fool he is.
His eyes close, and he nods gently, his forehead still pressed against Charles's. He cups his cheek, moving until he can weave his fingers through Charles's hair. ]
I promise you.
[ With every fiber of his being, he wants to believe that he can keep that promise. ]
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He feels a twist in him too, at the idea of losing what they gained, at a fear of abandonment coming across him again. He breathes through it. It was one of the things holding him back, and it won't here, but he knows that emotions are complicated. And that is why he just feels things and moves past them. Here in Erik's arms, he wants nothing to tie him away from it.]
I saw you, Erik. You were at your best with us. It's not gone.
[ Erik let his anger and pain get the better of him, which is understandable given the trauma he went through to get there. Perhaps if they had more time, and frankly, now that they've had this, Charles may have been right. This could have changed things ... or made it so much worse. Either way, Erik has the chance again. A life free from Shaw and with Charles in his bed. Charles has high hopes for him. For them.
He nuzzles Erik's nose with his own, breathing him in. This intimacy is unknown to him but it's what he longed for more than simply sex. It was never about sex with Erik ... although obviously he is very pleased to have it. He thinks of the pain that separated them and caresses Erik's cheek.]
Don't leave me again. If this place takes you like Raven, so be it, but not by choice. Come back to me. Every day be mine.
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Repercussions from that still linger, even as he feels Charles's trust in him repaired to some degree. He can still sense that worry in him, the fear of losing him again. Losing this. Maybe only time will make that fear go away. Erik knows he's doing what he can to mend that, so he can only hope that time is the answer. ]
I'm right here. [ He brushes his thumb over Charles's cheek, keeping their gazes locked. Not that Charles needs it to look into Erik's mind right now and see that he means that genuinely, but it makes him feel like they're closer. Like their souls touch. ] God, Charles, I have always been yours. I will come back to you always.
[ So long as it's within his power, but he would much rather not think of the alternative. Of being taken away from this place, or Charles to be the one disappearing. ]
I'm not leaving you. Please, believe me.
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All the hope in the world can't fully push away trauma and while Charles has come a long way, the loss of Erik and Raven and his legs wasn't a simple one to get past. He tries but some part of him will hold onto that pain and he wants to push forward. He is doing so by grasping onto this all of him. But just as he finds he didn't mind hearing Erik say he loves him out loud, it turns out hearing his reassurance also helps.
Charles's eyes water as he looks back at Erik and that love he feels is both beautiful and painful. Fear is no small part of him right now but he isn't letting it stop him. ]
I know we shouldn't look backward, but I'm just so angry at all the foolish mistakes we made. [ Not only Erik. Charles is including himself, he is far from perfect.] We wasted so much time. [ Little does he know that is a regret their future selves held too, at the end.]
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But they have one another, and facing all of this together will still be better than having to do it all on their own. Maybe back in their world, they would have to do so. Charles back at the mansion, Erik hiding under another identity. Who knows if they would have ever even seen each other again. But here they have each other to rely on, it already makes things infinitely better. ]
Don't think that way. [ Don't cry, please. That very nearly makes Erik's eyes fill with tears too, sucking in a breath. ] Just think of the time we have ahead. All of the things we can have now.
[ Erik has never been one to look back with that kind of regret. They can't go back and change how everything went down, but they can learn from it, make it all different. He doesn't like to think of it as time wasted, when to him every minute he gets to have with Charles will always feel like a precious gift. ]
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He just doesn't want to hurt anymore. He knows he's not the only one, that Erik has hurt too, but it did lay over his shoulders for years, making him less of the man he was. Charles has come a long way since coming here, but he's not recovered fully. And this may help with that, because it is giving something he thought he had to live without.
He smiles weakly at Erik and lets out a watery laugh.]
Look at you, being the optimist.
[ The one who apparently can see the time they have ahead and everything they can do together, rather than Charles who is dragging his heels in the past. In a way they've swapped positions, with Erik before having been so dragged down by Shaw and his past, and Charles always excited about what comes next.]
I love you, Erik.
[ He pulls Erik into a deep kiss the seal the way he feels and shares it between their bond, the brightness of his love mixed with the pain he feels, but can overcome. His arm slides around Erik's neck, fingers into his hair, as he kisses him like the first time.]
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he's a monster erik beware
oops too bad he's in too deep already
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thanks for the patience I'm back from vacay!
welcome back!! ✨
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we can probably finally wrap on this one and do a new event one :D
nooo-- i mean yes, that sounds good!!