heavymetals | ( psl ) hot for teacher

( psl ) hot for teacher

[ Of all the things Erik had imagined for a new, reinvented future, this definitely wasn't one of them. His life so far has been made of so many missteps, so many mistakes, his public image fluctuating wildly but for the most part, not being particularly good. He was even labeled a terrorist at one point, before his efforts for the mutant cause actually landed him in a better light eventually. A path of struggle that proved to be far more difficult than his attempts to wage war on the world, in the name of his kind but truly, just another expression of his anger.

It has always been a work in progress. Slow, with setbacks, and contrary opinions even now. At least among mutants, he's largely seen as a figure of good, a role model for a better future for their kind, of cooperation with mankind while refusing to compromise. Still ready to fight if it ever comes down to that.

But the last few years have become ones of peace, and Erik has carved himself a spot here, in the mansion, admittedly with much of Charles's help. The telepath helped him settle in, coaxed him to take a position as a teacher, encouraged him even when he didn't feel like he quite fit that role, and he was surprised to learn that he became rather popular among the students. It was already more than what he could ask for, and he couldn't imagine it becoming any better than that— only for Charles to approach him about taking over the school on his behalf, as Charles decides to step back and venture to other projects. Dedicate himself more to the X-Men and leaving the meaningful job of offering a home to young mutants, and guide them through this new world.

It's an overwhelming thing, and he feels out of his depth even after months of accepting the offer. Charles offers some insight on occasion, but he's not always around, and Erik often relies on senior teachers for their suggestions and opinions. But those aren't the only teachers working at the school— some younger faces have joined the board, a few even former students themselves, one of which Erik even remembers sitting on his classes not so long ago... ]

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[ Bobby returns the slow and soft kiss as if memorizing the taste and feel of Erik's lips. As if this is the first time their lips are colliding with each other. It's true that his attraction for Erik was inappropriate then, but isn't it still inappropriate now?

He doesn't give this much thought, focused only with squeezing inside the bed covers with Erik as they continue to explore each other's mouths. Once he pulls away, Bobby does the same thing with Erik's cheek, knuckles tracing soft skin. ]

I don't want this night to end, Erik. [ He bites back a yawn that's threatening to escape. ] Tell me again why I'm handsome. Why you like me.

[ Letting the night drag on is definitely tempting, but Erik knows that even staying awake, the sun will come up eventually, and it will be all the more difficult to crawl out of this bed if Bobby's still awake, asking him to stay.

He can't stay. Realistically, he knows that. But he still crawls closer to the other mutant under those covers, as if settling in for the night. ]

I'll tell you, but you have to promise to close your eyes. [ He knows Bobby's close to falling asleep. This will only make it easier. ]

[ When Erik crawls under the covers with him, Bobby takes this as a sign that Erik will be here when he wakes up later. That he'll still have this man, his man for tonight, in his arms when he opens his blue eyes to greet the brand new day. He smiles in anticipation, already excited to kiss him good morning, and maybe cook him breakfast. Or at least, get him some. Maybe it's okay if Erik spends the night. Maybe.

So, with a smile still plastered on his lips, Bobby gradually closes his eyes. The darkness that immediately surrounds him doesn't seem too daunting, not when he knows Erik's right there beside him. And wouldn't leave him. ]

It's closed now. Come on, tell me. [ He can already feel the soft caress of slumber but he ignores it. He won't succumb to it. His dreams pale in comparison to the reality he has now. Why go back to sleep when he can experience his dream while awake? ]

[ For a second or two, Erik can fool himself too, tell himself that there's nothing wrong if he stays, that it won't matter if others see him leave Bobby's bedroom in the morning, or if Bobby gets him breakfast like it's a perfectly normal thing. He wishes that to be true so very much, and it's all the more reason for him to resist it, fight that overwhelming desire to daydream as if it could become true by sheer force off will.

When Bobby closes his eyes, he allows himself a moment of weakness in his expression, the hollow pang in his chest twisting his features for the briefest of moments. His fingers brush through Bobby's hair right where it begins at his temple, slowly carding through the strands along the back of his ear. ]

I like that you're smart... you're kind and helpful, you make everyone feel so welcome. And I like how easy it is to talk to you, and to joke with you. Teasing you is easy, and especially rewarding when you get that faint color to your cheeks that you think I don't notice. I like... the smiles reserve only for me.

[ He's stepping on incredibly dangerous territory, and he's well aware. His voice grows quieter as if each word is an even greater secret than the one before, while he hopes that Bobby both can't hear him anymore, and that he will remember it all. He doesn't know which would feel worse come morning. ]

[ The obscurity he sees right now isn't disconcerting, not with Erik's voice guiding him like a beacon. It fills his ears and his heart like honey pouring down a vessel. It's sweet and encouraging and Bobby thinks he wants to hear that voice always, paying him compliments, letting him know just how much he means to him.

His lips tug up into a very broad smile, touched by the compliments Erik is giving him. He wants to kiss him and never let go, but he bites back a yawn when it comes, as he tries to keep slumber at bay. ]

Those smiles I'll give only to you, too. When I wake up, and you're here, you'll get more of those.

[ His words are slurring a little, perhaps due to the alcohol or drowsiness slowly taking over him, who's to say. But Bobby forges on, not wanting to slip through the cracks of dreaming. Not wanting this dream to end. ]

Stay, alright? I don't care what the world thinks anymore. I just want you here.

[ Bold words, maybe. All truth, though. Or all truth now. Now that his veins are aflamed with bourbon and his dream has come true. Maybe. ]

[ Every word out of Bobby's mouth only hurts him more, an ache that lingers in his chest, knowing that everything Bobby's hoping for right now just can't happen. He can't stay here, no matter how much they both might want it, and he's sure that Bobby would be just as aware of the inherent complications of letting this stretch into the morning.

He can't say that out loud. Doesn't want to break whatever spell they have here. The most he can do is just not make promises that he knows he won't keep. ]

Go to sleep, Robert. [ He delivers it in a soft murmur, still carding his fingers through Bobby's hair, leaning in to press a gentle kiss on his forehead. ]

[ That gentle kiss is all he needs for him to slowly surrender to slumber's claim. He doesn't do it completely, though, his stubborn mind clinging to the spell they have here. To the dream that's undoubtedly his reality.

With one arm, Bobby draws Erik closer, even if it's obvious his strength isn't as it used to be as he's slowly drifting to sleep. ]

Sleep with me, Erik... Let's dream together.

[ Literally and figuratively. Those are the only words Bobby utters, his voice soft and small, before he admits defeat to the pull of rest. ]

[ Erik doesn't actually sleep at all. He does stay, for longer than he reasonably should, torturing himself by watching Bobby while he's asleep. He's just making it harder on himself at this point, knowing that the longer he stays, the less he'll want to go.

But he has to, because morning will come and he absolutely can't be here when the sun rises and the other teachers start getting up and ready for their day. So, after far too long brushing Bobby's hair and holding him close, Erik draws away. Slow, gradual, but not allowing himself to hesitate even when Bobby tries to stay close in his sleep. Little by little, he somehow manages to slip out of the bed unnoticed, still ensuring Bobby isn't waking up before he quickly puts his clothes back on and heads to the door.

He lingers there, again, looking at Bobby. He has a feeling this might be the last time he gets to see him like this, and it's a memory he's intent on engraving into his mind forever. If he has nothing else, he can at least have this much.

The next morning is not surprising. It's painful, in more ways than he can say, but it's about the treatment he expects. Bobby pretty much ignores him, blatantly avoids him when he can, and Erik can do nothing more but offer him the courtesy of respecting that decision. He's right to be upset, and Erik thought that much would happen. It'll get easier, it's what he tells himself, but seeing Bobby over the next couple of weeks, watching him from across the distance, going about his day-to-day in the school while having entirely excised Erik from his life, feels no less painful as the days go by. Erik withdraws, because what else is he to do, really? Their sessions have pretty much had an abrupt halt, and Erik understands why Bobby wouldn't reach out about resuming them. He too can't bring himself to.

It's harder to go back to a life without Bobby in it, in some shape or form, than he anticipated. His nights are emptier and his study is quieter than he ever remembers it being. Some nights he doesn't even go to bed, he just sits there staring at the chair Bobby used to sit in, unfocused gaze on the edge of the desk where their hands touched that night.

He remembers Bobby's smile again and wonders (worries) if there will come a day that he'll forget what it looked like.

And then he reminds himself of why he had to leave that room then, why he needed to make the difficult choice to draw away. It just couldn't happen— one of them at least had to ensure that, and better that Bobby hates him than he potentially ruins his career because of him. ]

[ Bobby doesn’t hate him. Or, at least, that’s what he tells himself whenever Erik’s face crosses his mind. Or whenever Erik himself crosses paths with him. But the pain of not seeing this same face the next morning that fateful night still hurts, still haunts him like a ghost, that it’s hard sometimes to tell himself that he doesn’t hate him. To be fair, Bobby knows whatever happened that night can never happen again. It’s wrong, he knows that much, but the bourbon allowed himself to dream, to see a glimpse of a possible future for them. Where Erik will cherish him like he’s the most treasured diamond in all of existence. To be gifted that privilege of foresight but have it immediately snatched from him when he opened his eyes was cruel. Because now, that’s all he cares to think about and it’s all his dreams are allowing him to see.

Sometimes, he dreams of Erik, of that night, of lunch dates and endless conversations over good wine, and then he wakes up and everything feels hollow. What’s the point of opening his eyes when Erik’s not in it, just like that morning.

Why didn’t he stay? Why didn’t he fight for them, for what they could’ve had? It’s ironic how alcohol gave him the courage to finally realize he wanted to risk it all. And this desire still lingered even when his veins were drained of all bourbon. If he said he cherished him, if he was indeed his all this time, why didn’t he choose to hold him throughout the night until morning comes? So what if everyone knows? What good is a teaching career if he can’t have the one person he’s willing to fight for?

It plagued Bobby so. Was he not worth fighting for? Maybe not. Maybe he was just a passing fuck for Erik. Some cute new teacher he just decided to take advantage of while drunk. Perhaps. He may as well be all those flings he had who didn’t have the decency to leave him a note after taking what they wanted from him. It hurts. So much that Bobby chose to try and erase every memory of that night from his mind.

But his heart doesn’t want to forget.

Weeks have passed and this took a toll in his focus that it became harder for Bobby to concentrate on a new topic for his lesson. He knows he couldn’t reach out to Erik. Over his dead iced body. So, as a last resort, he reached out to the Professor even when he and the other X-Men were on a mission somewhere in Europe (in Portugal is what he heard.) When Bobby got a hold of him, Charles sounded a little exasperated on the other line, not of him but of Erik. Bobby only expected for the Professor to give him pointers over the phone. So when he told him they’d be coming home that evening and will be able to talk to Erik in person by tomorrow because he’s the expert on the topic, Bobby inwardly panics.

The last thing he needs is for the Professor to find out what happened. Or for Erik to know he reached out to him. Sighing after talking to Charles, Bobby runs a hand through his hair. He doesn’t know what to do and he doesn’t know if he’s even ready for another potential session with Erik.

He just hopes the Professor will help him instead. ]

[ Charles coming over isn't such a surprise; whether during missions or between assignments, the previous Headmaster and Erik's closest and oldest friend often visits, whether because there are things in New York demanding his presence or simply because he wants to catch up, ask Erik how he's doing, check in on the other teachers. It's not unusual, and Erik for one welcomes that immensely, the support he provides without sounding as though he's doing it because he expect Erik can't handle this. If anything, Erik's the one doubting himself at times, and these talks with Charles always help.

Right now, his visit is an even more welcome reprieve, a distraction from everything else clouding Erik's mind at the moment. That relief is short-lived, however, because Charles wastes absolutely no time in bringing up Bobby as soon as they sit down for a drink and a game of chess later in the night.

Some part of him hurts a little that Bobby was struggling and didn't even talk to him about it, but Erik doesn't know what he expected, really. Of course he wouldn't want to reach out to him, given the state of their relationship, or rather lack thereof. Erik hurt him, and he's well aware of that. Bobby simply tried to talk to the one person he thought would be safest, if only because he was both the most knowledgeable and the farthest away from it all, the least likely to ask questions. Bobby really should have expected that Charles would take it upon himself to come over and smack some sense into Erik's head.

Naturally, he prods too, asks what happened, tries to gauge Erik's reactions even when he doesn't share. At some point in the night, he stops mentioning Bobby, but Charles knows him too well, and Erik is almost sure the telepath has at least some inkling as to what may have happened between them. Either way, Erik doesn't elaborate, because he's certain it will never happen again.

But after that night, the words do linger.

Whatever it is that happened between you, you have to find a way to put that aside, for the good of the school. Bobby needs your help, and your own pain needs to be set aside in favor of that.

The problem isn't Erik setting aside his own pain, he's grown used to compartmentalize when it comes to that. The issue is that he's not entirely sure that Bobby even wants to look him in the eye, let alone meet with him alone. But— he does follows Charles's advice, or rather instruction, and sets up a new session, this time earlier in the night, and this time he chooses another meeting room in the school, rather than his private study. He's there with some papers, with tea and two cups, one of which he's already sipping from, glasses on his own face while he waits for Bobby to show up.

He might just not, but Erik will at least wait for a couple of hours. Worst that happens is he gets some paperwork done and just goes to bed afterwards. ]

[ After an hour, Bobby does show up and he's not intentionally late either. He just didn't know how this night will even go, doesn't even want this. His intent when he called Charles was for Charles himself to help him. He really didn't anticipate that the telepath will ask Erik to resume the sessions. Bobby should have, all things considered, but the toll this strain on his relationship with Erik is taking on him is proving worse than he expected. Sometimes, he's getting irritable for no apparent reason, and sometimes, as proven by his choice to come to Charles for help, he makes poor decisions.

When he arrives to one of the meeting rooms in the school where Erik chose to have their latest session, Bobby is a picture of both annoyance and stress. His facial hair has grown considerably thicker the last time he and Erik met and he has bags under his eyes for lack of sleep. Because what good is sleeping when all he sees when he closes his eyes is Erik's face that night?

Taking in a deep breath then letting it out in a long sigh, Bobby approaches Erik without even sparing him a glance. He thinks if he does, he'll get lost again in the heaven of those blue eyes. He can't. Not anymore. ]

Let's make this quick, I have classes tomorrow.

[ He tells him, cold and rigid. The temperature in the room also drops a little as he sits down opposite the other man. He brings out his paperwork, his lesson plans, and research notes, without so much as acknowledging Erik nor waiting on a response to what he said. ]

It's not like we can stay here for much longer. [ A beat, and this time, his gaze finally flickers up. Beneath those stern blue eyes is someone hurting, someone who has deprived himself of sleep so he can't dream anymore. Someone who's trying to forget fond memories but failing miserably. ]

No one stays anyway, right?

[ At this point, Erik is ready to accept that Bobby's not showing up. He can't fault him for it, really. Frankly, Erik isn't sure which is worse, this or having to look Bobby in the eye after what he did to him. So, he decides not to think about it anymore and dives into his own paperwork, deciding he may as well get a few tasks finished.

So when Bobby steps inside, Erik is definitely not prepared for it anymore, stunned into silence as the other mutant unceremoniously sits across from him, cold and abrupt in his approach. Well, at least Erik doesn't have to worry about looking Bobby in the eye when he very clearly has no interest in meeting Erik's gaze.

It's going to be one long and uncomfortable hour, he can tell. Erik is already struggling to know what to say, and just hearing Bobby's voice after weeks of complete silence is making his chest tighten painfully, and a knot forming in his throat.

And then, before he can even say a single word, Bobby delivers those words while looking straight at him, and Erik feels like pieces of him shatter all over the floor. How much of that pain he can keep from his expression is a wonder, but Erik doesn't always excel at hiding his emotions, even less so when he's caught off guard like this. ]

We have time, [ He murmurs, his voice quiet and struggling. Erik doesn't look much better for wear himself, but he'll easily ascribe his stubble and mussed hair on it being later in the night, and his reading glasses mostly disguise his dark circles. Clearing his throat, he looks back down, over Bobby's papers. ] What are you struggling with?

Forgetting that night.

[ It comes out without warning and almost immediately after Erik asks his question. He can't even bear to look straight at Erik anymore, his gaze falling to the walls of texts on his paper, on his books, on his lesson plans. Silence descends on them like a cold hand, colder than the room is apparently becoming right now. The words are already said and out in the open when Bobby realized he even said it. Too late now. He supposed he's never really one to be subtle.

So he continues. No bourbon this time. Just his broken heart. ]

Forgetting you. Forgetting your touches, your words, your... [ He pauses, reining his emotions in as they threaten to spill like an overflowing cup. He doesn't trust his voice right now, so he takes a deep breath and lets it out. ]

Why didn't you stay?

[ His voice is small, broken, as if drained of energy and life. When he glances up again, his eyes are bright with tears, almost glass, as Bobby tries not to let anything slip out. Not let his emotions get the best of him.

He guesses it's too late for that now, too. ] You made me feel special that night, told me words I wholeheartedly believed. Only for you to leave me. Why didn't you stay, Erik, when you told me I've always had you?

[ At this point, a single tear cascades down Bobby's cheek. ]

[ That's definitely not what Erik expects to hear, and it comes suddenly and out of nowhere. He didn't think Bobby would keep it in forever, eventually his hurt spilling out, but he clearly didn't expect it so quickly, or so suddenly.

He lets go of his pen, tossing his glasses onto the table as he leans away. Looks away, because he just can't handle this. Can't handle listening to Bobby's pained words, his voice weighed with hurt and betrayal, while still keeping their gazes locked. It's all too much.

When he does dare a glance, it's only at the tail end of it, and it's even worse because that's precisely when he catches that tear falling from his eye. Erik's heart practically crumples into dust at the sight, and he has to actually get up and put some distance there, walk to the nearest window, just so he won't fall apart too. ]

You are special. [ It comes out like a secret he's failing to keep. It feels much heavier than anything Bobby is saying now, like admitting to it could wreck everything. But then, hasn't he already managed to do that? ] Please... Robert, you know why this can't happen. I'm sorry that I hurt you, it was the last thing I wanted to do. I should have never taken advantage of your state, and I'm... most regretful of that.

[ You are special. These words manage to grind Bobby's gears. ]

Special? [ He scoffs, the word spilling out of his mouth like poison. ] You would've stayed if I were special. But you didn't. Erik, you gave me a glimpse of what could've been, what I realized I'm willing to risk everything to fight for.

[ Heavy footsteps echo within the meeting room as Bobby approaches Erik by the window. ] That night I realized I'll fight for us. That in the morning I'll make it known to everyone I like Erik Lehnsherr, that I see a future of us together.

[ Once he's nearer to the other mutant, he tries to find his eyes, meet their gaze. Because as soon as Erik looks at him, his eyes are filled with tears but they're adamant, unyielding. The eyes of someone who's not afraid to fight for what he believes in, for the people he cares about. For the relationships he wanted. ]

So you regret being with me, then? When you told me those words and touched me, not just my skin but my heart, you regret that? Tell me, Erik, and I'll walk away from here and never bother you again.

[ Erik turns when he hears footsteps, because he knows he can't avoid this, can't run from that confrontation, not when they're sharing this space. He can't possibly bring himself to leave Bobby a second time, least of all like this. ]

I didn't stay because I knew what the consequences could be. What would follow when the entire school learned about us.

[ Not just the teachers, but the students too, knowing they were involved. Yes, Erik is aware that this is a very unique kind of school, but it's Charles's hard work and determination, decades of fighting for mutant rights that Erik could be putting in jeopardy. And, perhaps even more importantly, putting at risk Bobby's career, and his future as a teacher.

He shakes his head at that, lifting a hand to Bobby, his own hurt of weeks spent in silence, retreating into his own mind, spilling into every syllable out of his mouth. So much so that his voice nearly shakes. ]

Don't say that. Be mad at me, hate me if you must, but don't leave here thinking I regret a single moment we've shared. [ He pauses, takes a slow breath, eyes closing. ] But your future as a teacher here... I don't want to put that at risk. Your credibility, your hard work. All of that would be put into question. You must realize that.

You must also realize I wanna be with you.

[ Even with how contentious that must be, how forbidden or scandalous or everything else between. Bobby's now ready to take it, ready to face a school that might whisper rumors around them. Ready to face Charles if ever the Professor will revoke all his hard work and career in teaching. He can pivot if he must. He still has an Accountancy degree, after all. He can make things work.

He just can't live on knowing he doesn't have Erik by his side. Gaze falling to his shoes, a single tear trickles down to the floor. He pauses, catches his breath, catches his heart in the process, too. Or whatever's left of it, anyway. ]

Erik, do you wanna be with me?

[ He asks after a few moments of silence. Soft and small in the vastness of the meeting room. Bobby feels so small, too, baring everything for Erik to see. Not hiding under a mask of hatred and frigidity. He's allowing himself to be seen, be vulnerable, because that's how much he can't take not having Erik anymore. ]

Those weeks without you... I wanted to hate you for what you did, but I couldn't. All I wanted was to relive that night and forget it at the same time.

[ Bobby's words don't help in the slightest. They just make it worse somehow, as if Erik's concerns can be so easily dismissed. As if what they want is the only thing that matters, and any other consequences are unimportant afterthoughts.

It's not that simple. He wishes it were, now more than ever.

But it's not as simple as rejecting Bobby, either. It was hard enough leaving him that night, and now, even as he opens his mouth, he can't find it in him to break his heart yet again. Break both their hearts, in truth. Bobby looks so vulnerable, small and open, and Erik wants nothing more than to pull him into his arms and promise to protect him always.

Another tear falls from Bobby's eyes, too clear in the close space between them, landing on the ground. Erik can't take it. He cups Bobby's cheek in his hand, thumb brushing away the wetness under his eye, his own expression twisted into an indescribable ache. ]

Please don't cry. Not for me. [ He takes in a slow breath, his other hand holding Bobby's arm. ] I'm not worth your tears.

You are, Erik. You're worth more than my tears.

[ Bobby replies almost instantly as he leans in to that hand on his cheek. More tears freefall from his blue eyes as Bobby tries to reason with Erik, to let him know the things far more important for him, consequences be damned.

He knows he might be dismissing Erik's concerns, and he'll apologize for it later, but for now, it's vital for Bobby to let the other know just what he feels. Just how much he does. One hand rising to cup Erik's cheek, as well, his thumb also caresses his skin, as if trying to expunge that unfathomable hurt in his features. Why do both of them keep hurting? He doesn't like seeing Erik this anguished, even when he tried so hard to hate him over the past few weeks. Seeing Erik hurting hurts Bobby immensely, too. ]

I can't stand another day without you. Please tell me you feel the same.

[ Erik was prepared for his own pain. He knew Bobby would be upset with him, would undoubtedly avoid him after what happened, and he was ready to handle the consequences of his actions. What he wasn't prepared for, even if he should have been, was Bobby's own hurt. But then, he didn't think he'd witness it this up close. Erik has always been the one to leave; can't see anyone hurting if he's not there, after all.

But this isn't what he wanted, not at all. Seeing that hurt in Bobby's eyes, the tears falling down his face, it's the last thing he was aiming for when he left that night. And it makes his resolve crumble now, even when he knows very well that he can't have everything he wants. It was always a matter of sacrificing something— he's just starting to doubt if he's sacrificing the right thing. ]

Robert, [ He breathes out, his voice shaking, and he pulls Bobby into a tight embrace. Both arms tight around the younger mutant, offering as much comfort as he can when he's still almost afraid to answer such a simple question. ]

[ The pause made Bobby wonder if Erik's going to comfort him, or if the other has any doubts with regards to what he said. It almost feels like time stood still within those few moments, just them staring at each other's pained expressions, as if their features were capable of nothing else. Tears just continue to fall, and even while cascading down, he doesn't feel the urgency to them. For a while, all he can see is Erik's hurting face.

So, when he pulls Bobby into a tight hug, he's almost surprised. But this surprise is replaced by undeniable relief at immediately realizing Erik doesn't want to see him this way, doesn't want to see him hurting and pained. There's still a very real part of him that is scared of Erik walking away again, of leaving him here with his tears and broken pieces of his heart, but for now, he clings to the refuge Erik provides, burying his face on the other's chest.

Undoubtedly, Erik's shirt will be soaked with his tears as Bobby can't hold it anymore and just sobs. All the pent up pain and anguish he felt for weeks come bursting out like a dam let loose. ]

[ It really is too much, seeing Bobby suffer like this. It's not at all what he intended, and if he blamed himself for everything that happened before, then he blames himself even more now. The dark circles under his eyes, the unkept beard, the way he's struggling with his classes, all of it goes back to that night, to the poor excuse of a solution that Erik thought was the right one.

Knowing how much leaving that room had hurt him, he doesn't know why he hadn't thought it would be at least just as bad to Bobby. After all the sweet things they'd told each other. As if he was throwing all of those words away. ]

I'm sorry, [ He mutters, his voice quiet and soft, like anything louder might just break. His fingers run through Bobby's hair, his head tilting so he's pressing his cheek against his forehead. ] I never meant to hurt you like this. Or make you think I didn't mean what I said.

[ It takes a good few minutes for Bobby to even stop sobbing, with his tears just freefalling from his face as if showing no signs of halting. At this point, he has thoroughly soaked Erik's shirt, and he'll apologize for that later, but right now, he just feels like letting everything out. It's easier to pick up the pieces of his broken heart when the one holding him is the one who broke it in the first place. His breathing steadies for a good second or two as he just holds Erik, clinging to him as if he's scared letting him go will make him leave again. ]

I just want you, Erik...

[ His voice is also soft and quiet, muffled even by the way his face is against Erik's chest. He feels that cheek against his forehead and it's as if he found gold in a stream. ]

Please don't blame yourself, though. [ He adds, because he knows that's what Erik's thinking right now. ] We're both to blame for that night. In hindsight, you did the right thing even if this is the outcome.

I just told you how I felt. We're both right, in a way. But both of us are hurting, too. [ His voice remains small, only loud enough for Erik to hear. ]

[ Erik isn't complaining at all about his shirt. To say that it's the least of his concerns is an overstatement, because it's not even a concern to begin with, when Erik's sole focus right now is to drive away this sadness and misery that he's caused the man he's grown so fond of. ]

I should have done the right thing that night, instead. [ As much as it would have hurt, at least Bobby wouldn't have been left thinking that Erik just wanted some fun and tossed him aside the moment he had it. ] You had too much to drink, and I was weak. You were so...

[ Passionate. Insistent. Assertive. Just how badly Bobby wanted him, and how eager he was to let Erik know it, it was impossible to resist. He lets out a soft breath, kissing Bobby's forehead, then pulling away so their gazes can meet. ]

I don't regret it. What happened that night. I just... wish we'd thought and talked about it more before we did anything.

[ Bobby continues to cling to him, still afraid that if he lets go, Erik will disappear. He sighs in relief when the other mutant kisses his forehead, then gazes up at him when he pulls away. His arms are still around Erik, still holding him close. ]

We could talk about it right now.

[ Bloodshot blue eyes try to find Erik's, his face tear-stained, his facial hair wet from his own tears. There's a desire to find a middle ground amidst all this, find something they can work with so they don't have to pretend nothing's between them. ]

Talk about how we can move forward without hurting each other or pretending we're back to how we were before that night.

[ Because there's no going back, not for either of them. A compromise is what they need, now that everything's out in the open between them. ]

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