heavymetals | ( psl ) hot for teacher

( psl ) hot for teacher

[ Of all the things Erik had imagined for a new, reinvented future, this definitely wasn't one of them. His life so far has been made of so many missteps, so many mistakes, his public image fluctuating wildly but for the most part, not being particularly good. He was even labeled a terrorist at one point, before his efforts for the mutant cause actually landed him in a better light eventually. A path of struggle that proved to be far more difficult than his attempts to wage war on the world, in the name of his kind but truly, just another expression of his anger.

It has always been a work in progress. Slow, with setbacks, and contrary opinions even now. At least among mutants, he's largely seen as a figure of good, a role model for a better future for their kind, of cooperation with mankind while refusing to compromise. Still ready to fight if it ever comes down to that.

But the last few years have become ones of peace, and Erik has carved himself a spot here, in the mansion, admittedly with much of Charles's help. The telepath helped him settle in, coaxed him to take a position as a teacher, encouraged him even when he didn't feel like he quite fit that role, and he was surprised to learn that he became rather popular among the students. It was already more than what he could ask for, and he couldn't imagine it becoming any better than that— only for Charles to approach him about taking over the school on his behalf, as Charles decides to step back and venture to other projects. Dedicate himself more to the X-Men and leaving the meaningful job of offering a home to young mutants, and guide them through this new world.

It's an overwhelming thing, and he feels out of his depth even after months of accepting the offer. Charles offers some insight on occasion, but he's not always around, and Erik often relies on senior teachers for their suggestions and opinions. But those aren't the only teachers working at the school— some younger faces have joined the board, a few even former students themselves, one of which Erik even remembers sitting on his classes not so long ago... ]

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[ At this point, Erik is ready to accept that Bobby's not showing up. He can't fault him for it, really. Frankly, Erik isn't sure which is worse, this or having to look Bobby in the eye after what he did to him. So, he decides not to think about it anymore and dives into his own paperwork, deciding he may as well get a few tasks finished.

So when Bobby steps inside, Erik is definitely not prepared for it anymore, stunned into silence as the other mutant unceremoniously sits across from him, cold and abrupt in his approach. Well, at least Erik doesn't have to worry about looking Bobby in the eye when he very clearly has no interest in meeting Erik's gaze.

It's going to be one long and uncomfortable hour, he can tell. Erik is already struggling to know what to say, and just hearing Bobby's voice after weeks of complete silence is making his chest tighten painfully, and a knot forming in his throat.

And then, before he can even say a single word, Bobby delivers those words while looking straight at him, and Erik feels like pieces of him shatter all over the floor. How much of that pain he can keep from his expression is a wonder, but Erik doesn't always excel at hiding his emotions, even less so when he's caught off guard like this. ]

We have time, [ He murmurs, his voice quiet and struggling. Erik doesn't look much better for wear himself, but he'll easily ascribe his stubble and mussed hair on it being later in the night, and his reading glasses mostly disguise his dark circles. Clearing his throat, he looks back down, over Bobby's papers. ] What are you struggling with?

Forgetting that night.

[ It comes out without warning and almost immediately after Erik asks his question. He can't even bear to look straight at Erik anymore, his gaze falling to the walls of texts on his paper, on his books, on his lesson plans. Silence descends on them like a cold hand, colder than the room is apparently becoming right now. The words are already said and out in the open when Bobby realized he even said it. Too late now. He supposed he's never really one to be subtle.

So he continues. No bourbon this time. Just his broken heart. ]

Forgetting you. Forgetting your touches, your words, your... [ He pauses, reining his emotions in as they threaten to spill like an overflowing cup. He doesn't trust his voice right now, so he takes a deep breath and lets it out. ]

Why didn't you stay?

[ His voice is small, broken, as if drained of energy and life. When he glances up again, his eyes are bright with tears, almost glass, as Bobby tries not to let anything slip out. Not let his emotions get the best of him.

He guesses it's too late for that now, too. ] You made me feel special that night, told me words I wholeheartedly believed. Only for you to leave me. Why didn't you stay, Erik, when you told me I've always had you?

[ At this point, a single tear cascades down Bobby's cheek. ]

[ That's definitely not what Erik expects to hear, and it comes suddenly and out of nowhere. He didn't think Bobby would keep it in forever, eventually his hurt spilling out, but he clearly didn't expect it so quickly, or so suddenly.

He lets go of his pen, tossing his glasses onto the table as he leans away. Looks away, because he just can't handle this. Can't handle listening to Bobby's pained words, his voice weighed with hurt and betrayal, while still keeping their gazes locked. It's all too much.

When he does dare a glance, it's only at the tail end of it, and it's even worse because that's precisely when he catches that tear falling from his eye. Erik's heart practically crumples into dust at the sight, and he has to actually get up and put some distance there, walk to the nearest window, just so he won't fall apart too. ]

You are special. [ It comes out like a secret he's failing to keep. It feels much heavier than anything Bobby is saying now, like admitting to it could wreck everything. But then, hasn't he already managed to do that? ] Please... Robert, you know why this can't happen. I'm sorry that I hurt you, it was the last thing I wanted to do. I should have never taken advantage of your state, and I'm... most regretful of that.

[ You are special. These words manage to grind Bobby's gears. ]

Special? [ He scoffs, the word spilling out of his mouth like poison. ] You would've stayed if I were special. But you didn't. Erik, you gave me a glimpse of what could've been, what I realized I'm willing to risk everything to fight for.

[ Heavy footsteps echo within the meeting room as Bobby approaches Erik by the window. ] That night I realized I'll fight for us. That in the morning I'll make it known to everyone I like Erik Lehnsherr, that I see a future of us together.

[ Once he's nearer to the other mutant, he tries to find his eyes, meet their gaze. Because as soon as Erik looks at him, his eyes are filled with tears but they're adamant, unyielding. The eyes of someone who's not afraid to fight for what he believes in, for the people he cares about. For the relationships he wanted. ]

So you regret being with me, then? When you told me those words and touched me, not just my skin but my heart, you regret that? Tell me, Erik, and I'll walk away from here and never bother you again.

[ Erik turns when he hears footsteps, because he knows he can't avoid this, can't run from that confrontation, not when they're sharing this space. He can't possibly bring himself to leave Bobby a second time, least of all like this. ]

I didn't stay because I knew what the consequences could be. What would follow when the entire school learned about us.

[ Not just the teachers, but the students too, knowing they were involved. Yes, Erik is aware that this is a very unique kind of school, but it's Charles's hard work and determination, decades of fighting for mutant rights that Erik could be putting in jeopardy. And, perhaps even more importantly, putting at risk Bobby's career, and his future as a teacher.

He shakes his head at that, lifting a hand to Bobby, his own hurt of weeks spent in silence, retreating into his own mind, spilling into every syllable out of his mouth. So much so that his voice nearly shakes. ]

Don't say that. Be mad at me, hate me if you must, but don't leave here thinking I regret a single moment we've shared. [ He pauses, takes a slow breath, eyes closing. ] But your future as a teacher here... I don't want to put that at risk. Your credibility, your hard work. All of that would be put into question. You must realize that.

You must also realize I wanna be with you.

[ Even with how contentious that must be, how forbidden or scandalous or everything else between. Bobby's now ready to take it, ready to face a school that might whisper rumors around them. Ready to face Charles if ever the Professor will revoke all his hard work and career in teaching. He can pivot if he must. He still has an Accountancy degree, after all. He can make things work.

He just can't live on knowing he doesn't have Erik by his side. Gaze falling to his shoes, a single tear trickles down to the floor. He pauses, catches his breath, catches his heart in the process, too. Or whatever's left of it, anyway. ]

Erik, do you wanna be with me?

[ He asks after a few moments of silence. Soft and small in the vastness of the meeting room. Bobby feels so small, too, baring everything for Erik to see. Not hiding under a mask of hatred and frigidity. He's allowing himself to be seen, be vulnerable, because that's how much he can't take not having Erik anymore. ]

Those weeks without you... I wanted to hate you for what you did, but I couldn't. All I wanted was to relive that night and forget it at the same time.

[ Bobby's words don't help in the slightest. They just make it worse somehow, as if Erik's concerns can be so easily dismissed. As if what they want is the only thing that matters, and any other consequences are unimportant afterthoughts.

It's not that simple. He wishes it were, now more than ever.

But it's not as simple as rejecting Bobby, either. It was hard enough leaving him that night, and now, even as he opens his mouth, he can't find it in him to break his heart yet again. Break both their hearts, in truth. Bobby looks so vulnerable, small and open, and Erik wants nothing more than to pull him into his arms and promise to protect him always.

Another tear falls from Bobby's eyes, too clear in the close space between them, landing on the ground. Erik can't take it. He cups Bobby's cheek in his hand, thumb brushing away the wetness under his eye, his own expression twisted into an indescribable ache. ]

Please don't cry. Not for me. [ He takes in a slow breath, his other hand holding Bobby's arm. ] I'm not worth your tears.

You are, Erik. You're worth more than my tears.

[ Bobby replies almost instantly as he leans in to that hand on his cheek. More tears freefall from his blue eyes as Bobby tries to reason with Erik, to let him know the things far more important for him, consequences be damned.

He knows he might be dismissing Erik's concerns, and he'll apologize for it later, but for now, it's vital for Bobby to let the other know just what he feels. Just how much he does. One hand rising to cup Erik's cheek, as well, his thumb also caresses his skin, as if trying to expunge that unfathomable hurt in his features. Why do both of them keep hurting? He doesn't like seeing Erik this anguished, even when he tried so hard to hate him over the past few weeks. Seeing Erik hurting hurts Bobby immensely, too. ]

I can't stand another day without you. Please tell me you feel the same.

[ Erik was prepared for his own pain. He knew Bobby would be upset with him, would undoubtedly avoid him after what happened, and he was ready to handle the consequences of his actions. What he wasn't prepared for, even if he should have been, was Bobby's own hurt. But then, he didn't think he'd witness it this up close. Erik has always been the one to leave; can't see anyone hurting if he's not there, after all.

But this isn't what he wanted, not at all. Seeing that hurt in Bobby's eyes, the tears falling down his face, it's the last thing he was aiming for when he left that night. And it makes his resolve crumble now, even when he knows very well that he can't have everything he wants. It was always a matter of sacrificing something— he's just starting to doubt if he's sacrificing the right thing. ]

Robert, [ He breathes out, his voice shaking, and he pulls Bobby into a tight embrace. Both arms tight around the younger mutant, offering as much comfort as he can when he's still almost afraid to answer such a simple question. ]

[ The pause made Bobby wonder if Erik's going to comfort him, or if the other has any doubts with regards to what he said. It almost feels like time stood still within those few moments, just them staring at each other's pained expressions, as if their features were capable of nothing else. Tears just continue to fall, and even while cascading down, he doesn't feel the urgency to them. For a while, all he can see is Erik's hurting face.

So, when he pulls Bobby into a tight hug, he's almost surprised. But this surprise is replaced by undeniable relief at immediately realizing Erik doesn't want to see him this way, doesn't want to see him hurting and pained. There's still a very real part of him that is scared of Erik walking away again, of leaving him here with his tears and broken pieces of his heart, but for now, he clings to the refuge Erik provides, burying his face on the other's chest.

Undoubtedly, Erik's shirt will be soaked with his tears as Bobby can't hold it anymore and just sobs. All the pent up pain and anguish he felt for weeks come bursting out like a dam let loose. ]

[ It really is too much, seeing Bobby suffer like this. It's not at all what he intended, and if he blamed himself for everything that happened before, then he blames himself even more now. The dark circles under his eyes, the unkept beard, the way he's struggling with his classes, all of it goes back to that night, to the poor excuse of a solution that Erik thought was the right one.

Knowing how much leaving that room had hurt him, he doesn't know why he hadn't thought it would be at least just as bad to Bobby. After all the sweet things they'd told each other. As if he was throwing all of those words away. ]

I'm sorry, [ He mutters, his voice quiet and soft, like anything louder might just break. His fingers run through Bobby's hair, his head tilting so he's pressing his cheek against his forehead. ] I never meant to hurt you like this. Or make you think I didn't mean what I said.

[ It takes a good few minutes for Bobby to even stop sobbing, with his tears just freefalling from his face as if showing no signs of halting. At this point, he has thoroughly soaked Erik's shirt, and he'll apologize for that later, but right now, he just feels like letting everything out. It's easier to pick up the pieces of his broken heart when the one holding him is the one who broke it in the first place. His breathing steadies for a good second or two as he just holds Erik, clinging to him as if he's scared letting him go will make him leave again. ]

I just want you, Erik...

[ His voice is also soft and quiet, muffled even by the way his face is against Erik's chest. He feels that cheek against his forehead and it's as if he found gold in a stream. ]

Please don't blame yourself, though. [ He adds, because he knows that's what Erik's thinking right now. ] We're both to blame for that night. In hindsight, you did the right thing even if this is the outcome.

I just told you how I felt. We're both right, in a way. But both of us are hurting, too. [ His voice remains small, only loud enough for Erik to hear. ]

[ Erik isn't complaining at all about his shirt. To say that it's the least of his concerns is an overstatement, because it's not even a concern to begin with, when Erik's sole focus right now is to drive away this sadness and misery that he's caused the man he's grown so fond of. ]

I should have done the right thing that night, instead. [ As much as it would have hurt, at least Bobby wouldn't have been left thinking that Erik just wanted some fun and tossed him aside the moment he had it. ] You had too much to drink, and I was weak. You were so...

[ Passionate. Insistent. Assertive. Just how badly Bobby wanted him, and how eager he was to let Erik know it, it was impossible to resist. He lets out a soft breath, kissing Bobby's forehead, then pulling away so their gazes can meet. ]

I don't regret it. What happened that night. I just... wish we'd thought and talked about it more before we did anything.

[ Bobby continues to cling to him, still afraid that if he lets go, Erik will disappear. He sighs in relief when the other mutant kisses his forehead, then gazes up at him when he pulls away. His arms are still around Erik, still holding him close. ]

We could talk about it right now.

[ Bloodshot blue eyes try to find Erik's, his face tear-stained, his facial hair wet from his own tears. There's a desire to find a middle ground amidst all this, find something they can work with so they don't have to pretend nothing's between them. ]

Talk about how we can move forward without hurting each other or pretending we're back to how we were before that night.

[ Because there's no going back, not for either of them. A compromise is what they need, now that everything's out in the open between them. ]

[ Erik's not going anywhere. That said, he certainly isn't complaining about the way Bobby's holding onto him, nor is he doing a thing to put any amount of distance between them. ]

I don't want to go back.

[ Even if they could, it's not what Erik wants. It was never what Erik wanted, and he feels all the more a fool that he ever even thought that distance and avoidance could be a viable solution. A fool too that he thought Bobby's career would have to be the one to suffer, when all could be remedied by Erik simply taking that hit himself. Something, he realizes now, he wouldn't mind doing at all. Especially for Bobby.

His hands move along Bobby's arms, coaxing him to ease his hold on Erik, but only so he can clasp their hands together instead. Still not breaking contact, still not letting go. Definitely not leaving. ]

Alright. Let's talk.

[ Those words combined with the reassurance of Erik holding his hand calms Bobby down. His breathing slowly eases into a steadier one as he descends from the emotional high of sobbing into Erik's chest. He hasn't cried like that in a very long time, which says a lot about how much he really came to value Erik after that night. How much he was hurting all these weeks they were apart.

Taking a deep breath, for the first time this night, and perhaps for weeks, Bobby gives him a smile. It's the same smile he gave the other mutant before he closed his eyes that fateful night. The same smile he only reserves for Erik. ]

Okay. [ A beat. A wider tug of his lips. ] Thank you.

[ He gives their joined hands a light squeeze as both thanks and almost to check if Erik's still with him, as if holding his hand seems far too surreal right now. Perhaps this is Bobby's way to check if he's not dreaming, too. ]

I'm willing to resign from this job for us. [ He says after a brief pause, in a tone that shows no hint of doubt. ]

[ No, he's not dreaming, and no, Erik's not going anywhere. He wouldn't do that again, couldn't when the first time was already so painful. He means it too, when he now says that they should talk. It's what he should have done all along.

Both his eyebrows raise at Bobby's words, and his own answer comes swiftly, along with a shake of his head. ]

Absolutely not. You have a place in this school, and a connection with your students I'm not having you give up.

[ His fingers curl into Bobby's palms more firmly, a more thoughtful expression as he considers their options. ]

I'll talk to Charles— if that's alright by you. This is his school, and besides, he'll have an outsider's perspective. But even if we must make changes, it makes more sense that I go back to being a teacher than you resign your position. I won't accept that.

[ Erik's words stun him for a bit, as he too, mulls over their options. He swallows the sudden lump in his throat as soon as he begins to worry about the implications of Erik's words. ]

You'll go back to being a teacher? But, Erik, you like being a headmaster...

[ His gaze falls, brows knitting together, as palpable concern washes over his features. ]

I'm fine with you talking to the Professor about all this. Something tells me he already knows, anyway. But for you to give up something you're passionate about for us... [ Then Bobby looks up, squeezing Erik's hand in his. His blue eyes are worried, questioning, and still appears to be made of glass. ]

Maybe there's another way.

I liked being a teacher, too. It would be no great sacrifice.

[ Certainly not as great as Bobby's would be if he were to resign. That's simply not acceptable, as far as Erik's concerned.

Besides, looking at Bobby now, holding his hands firmly in his own, getting to even hear the other mutant's voice after weeks of complete silence and far too much distance, Erik is sure that it wouldn't be a sacrifice at all. ]

I'm passionate about us, too, [ He points out, fingers squeezing a little tighter. ] We'll try to see if there's another solution. But I will at least be honest with Charles. This is his school, and I'll not put that in jeopardy without speaking to him.

[ And no doubt his oldest friend will have some better suggestions about such a sensitive situation. If there's no other way, though, Erik will relinquish his post as Headmaster with no hesitation- ]

[ A small tug graces Bobby's lips upon hearing Erik's also passionate about them, about what they currently have right now, and the potential of it in the future. He knows Erik loves teaching, if his sessions with him are anything to go by, but Bobby is also aware of how much Erik has come to really be comfortable in the Headmaster position. No better person other than the Professor for the job, really.

But he also can't dismiss Erik's decision, doesn't want him to think he doesn't have agency on his own choices even if Bobby doesn't agree with them completely. If Erik tells him it's of no great sacrifice, then he'll believe him. But if the other mutant begins to yearn for the position again, he'll be the one to talk to the Professor himself if he has to. ]

Alright. I understand. [ Nodding, Bobby gives him a broader smile this time, squeezing his hand once more. ]

Thanks, Erik. For believing in us. [ For thinking what they have is worth this kind of sacrifice. ]

Edited 2024-09-21 00:18 (UTC)

[ He likes his current position, likes that he can actually make a difference among these younger mutants, offer them a place of safety, somewhere where they can feel like they're normal. The world is better but things are far from perfect for mutants, and feelings towards them still continue to shift. Here, no mutant will ever feel like they don't belong, and Erik does like to be someone who stands for that.

But he still could do that as a teacher. He still could enact change, even in a different position. It's not the same as throwing his career away entirely, not to mention that if Bobby did that, he'd likely have to move out of the school, and be somewhere away from him. Erik definitely doesn't want that. ]

I should be the one thanking you. That you haven't turned your back on me when you were perfectly entitled to do so, after the way I've treated you.

[ The fact that Bobby's even willing to talk to him is already surprising, but to give a potential relationship an actual chance is closer to a miracle. ]

[ Bobby didn't even think that far ahead, that potentially quitting might actually have him move out of the Institute. That certainly didn't come to mind, which is further proof that he's just going with whatever he's feeling right now.

Having Erik get demoted back into a teacher does have its perks and advantages but Bobby also thinks if there's another way to this, another solution wherein they can keep their current roles, that'd be good. Maybe he can talk extensively to the Professor, set boundaries and the like, so they can keep their professionalism in place. Whatever it may be, Bobby's going to exhaust all avenues if he can. The good work Erik has put out as headmaster will not be put to waste.

Then again, at the end of the day, it's still Erik's decision and whatever happens, he'll 100% support him. His words, though, turns Bobby's gaze even softer. ]

I remember you telling me that night I've always had you. Kinda stuck with me now, Erik. [ There's a small playfulness in his tone as he approaches closer. ]

[ Erik has always been the type to think farther ahead, at least when he's being more rational and not just following his emotions. Granted, Bobby makes it hard for him to want to be rational, but it's important that he is, he thinks, for the sake of both their jobs, and the school itself.

His lips curl faintly when Bobby steps closer to him, one hand still holding Bobby's, while the other slowly inches up his arm. ]

I meant every word I said that night. I hope you know that.

I really do now.

[ Because for the past few weeks, he almost doubted those words. Doubted if there's even a place for him with Erik after he left him that morning. But now? Now everything's as clear as day. As if the rainstorm has ceased and the clouds parted to make way for sunshine. His heart skips a beat realizing it feels as if they're starting anew, as if they're entering new territories when it comes to their relationship. That night opened a treasure trove, now they're free to explore its contents.

With Bobby now this close, his gaze locks with Erik's, not wanting to let another second pass without this man in his line of sight. His smile broadens, the playfulness now giving way to tenderness. ]

Every word is right here. [ He raises their laced hands to his chest where his heart is. ] Never left. Never ceased to matter.

[ Erik's own gaze falls to their linked hands, the way Bobby guides them to rest over his heart. He could swear he hears his own beating to the same pace, even though he's well aware that's likely just his mind imagining it. Still, the thought brings a small smile to his lips. ]

I can only hope it stays that way.

[ For now, or forever— Erik's not going to leap too far ahead. Or he'll try, anyway. There's so much to cherish in the now, so much to enjoy, he really doesn't want to be thinking about the future. Or worry about what it may bring for them both, either.

So rather than go back to a topic that neither of them can do anything about right now, he leans down instead, capturing Bobby's lips in a kiss while cupping the back of his neck with his free hand. ]

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