heavymetals | ( abraxas ) inbox

Maybe they can be.

[ She's never thought of it like that. Perfectly flawed? That seems most likely to be true. Julia struggles a lot with self-worth so it's difficult to see herself as anything other than a series of mistakes these days. But she's working on it. It helps when she has him evening her out, and yes, a sense of family between them. With only bad family memories, he's probably the healthiest version of one she'd find. ]

Pretty much all of mine are of my best friend Quentin. I think one of the best we had was when we both went to Fillory for the first time. It was this world we always thought was in a book only, imaginary, a fantasy, so when we walked into it together, it was literally a dream come true. I'm positive a thousand years from now I'll still picture that and treasure it.

[ Fillory didn't turn out to be the dream they wanted at the end of the day, it was flawed like everyone else, but Julia sees that as precious. Their joy in that moment, the revelation, the certainty of their purpose and belonging. It would be very, very difficult to find a memory that embodies joy better than that for her. It's so strange to be this far from Quentin. Back home they did always know they'd find each other again. ]

What's a purely good memory for you?

[ Nothing is truly flawless, that's just a statement of fact to him. However minor, there is always something in everything, in everyone, but that doesn't mean one can't find perfection in them. Julia has her past, she's made her mistakes, just like everyone else. It doesn't taint his view of her, every time he learns of something new she's done. But it matters that she tries to do better, that she wants to be better. ]

This place, Fillory— I imagine that's a world of magic?

[ Since her life seems to be so closely tied to magic, it makes sense. Some kind of hidden alternate world. Maybe kind of like this one.

He's stunned again by the question, falling into silence. He has good memories, many of them recent, but they're tied to a traumatic loss that he's not yet ready to talk about. Wanda's the only one who even knows about some of it, and even she doesn't know all the details. So, he reaches for a memory that's far more distant, something safer to share, even if the pain still lives in his mind. ]

Hanukkah with my parents. Eating the sufganiyot my father prepared, my mother lighting the candles. That's a memory I thought lost for a very long time.

It is. Full of magic and magical creatures. It's beautiful. It's also the place where I burned down the trees, but they forgave me when I brought them back.

[ They did, too. They even voted Margo and Eliot back into the palace, the humans as royalty, partly because of her act in restoring what she destroyed. Julia felt the forgiveness from the trees, which was the biggest source of sadness for her. Apparently they're not grudge-holders. So despite the ups and downs of Fillory, it'll always be a place of good in her heart. They killed a god to keep it safe, and she'd do it again. His death is not something she regrets.

Julia waits for him to decide. She knows she might be prodding just a little, but it's his choice if and what he wants to share. She knows he's had so much pain in his life, perhaps happy memories are harder to find, but he must have them. She smiles when he does share one. The butterflies are starting to nestle into her hair, batting their wings, content. ]

Sufganiyot is so good. Do you still practice Judaism?

[ Erik can't help a faint smile, some vague amusement to it. ] Your world is a wonder to me.

[ Even if it has horrible things, of that he is sure. He knows, as a matter of fact. But knowing of fairies, and trees that can feel, of people who are capable of just bringing others to life— it's so much more than what Erik's seen in his lifetime.

She must have had some good memories, there. With her friends, or even on her own. He can imagine why some experiences may have tainted her perception, but he hopes it hasn't taken everything good away.

Sometimes, he wonders that's what's happened to him. That all the bad experiences he's been put through are slowly driving away what remains good in him. ]

I didn't, for a very long time. Decades, [ He admits. ] It's been... a rediscovery. I'm not sure I even remember all of the customs right. It's been forty years.

Fillory is strange and special. There's a reason it was so wonderfully weird that it inspired a book series in my world, where even though we knew it was impossible, a lot of kids like me still believed it was real.

[ Because it felt real. The books were taken from real adventures that happened and as fantastical as they were, that authenticity could be felt through the page. Plover turned out to be a monster, but the books were never his stories in the first place. Eventually Julia shoved Fillory out of her heart and mind, believing she had to focus on the real world and let go of the fantasy. She was so happy to be wrong in that regard.

She hasn't lost all of the light in her yet, but she would say the same of him. Otherwise they wouldn't be here now like this, surrounded with the light of unnatural flowers and butterflies. ]

Maybe it's like riding a bike, once you get started again.

[ Faith is no simple subject. She's only started to understand worship herself. ]

If you wanted to. No pressure.

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Maybe we can wrap on this one!