heavymetals | ( pixie led ) inbox

[ Well, in a way he is arguing his case. If he were to find John in danger again he would not hesitate to intervene, in spite of that presenting a danger to his safety. As he would do for anyone else in this place he cares about— El included. He definitely underestimated what he was up against, though. He hadn't thought that death was such a real possibility, much closer than he'd imagined.

He can't fix that now. The fact that he was revived is a miracle in itself, but it prompts the question of whether that will happen each time any Adopted will die. If there might be long-term consequences he isn't yet aware of. Everything comes with a price, after all. ]

I didn't do it on purpose. I know she was hurt, but it wasn't my intention.

[ So it's not as easy as saying that he can't do that, when it's not something always within his control. ]

We can't be safe all the time, not here or anywhere. I can try to be more careful, but I'm not going to stop protecting people.

[ Her eyes are swimming, but not spilling over. ]

Yes.

[ Easy agreement - be more careful, but don't try to stop protecting people. ]

We save people. Even if. They can't save us.

[ Not a lesson she has learned here, in this strange fairy prison of theirs. Just something she deeply believes to be true. At home, she will always sacrifice herself to save her friends. To fight one more day. She walked away from Kali, from sisterhood, from revenge, just for that very reason.

After a moment, she reaches out. Slides her hand into his and squeezes, because that's what they've been doing. Eleven can be hesitant about physical contact, even when she craves it. Cannot, under any circumstances, be grabbed from behind, and doesn't like people she's not familiar with pushing a lot of touch onto her. But there are moment when she reaches for it. ]

I don't want you to die. You're important.

[ To Laura, she said earlier. To me, she doesn't quite dare say out loud. ]

But. If you protect people. I understand. I die for my friends, too.

[ Wanting to keep someone safe is never really a matter of reciprocity, at least not to Erik. Granted, there is comfort in knowing that someone else has his back, that they can protect one another, but he would not expect it, or hold it as a condition. He'd do anything to keep Laura safe, just like he tried to do for John, even if he ultimately failed.

He lets her squeeze his hand, then smiles faintly at her words. Before answering, he sinks down to his knees, coming closer to her eye level. Still holding her hand, his other rests on her arm, squeezing gently. ]

You're important, too.

[ It's said in a tone that's final and will take no argument from her. Before she even tries, he goes on to add. ]

So maybe we both try really hard not to die, even when we're protecting others. Alright?

[ She searches his eyes for a few long seconds. He'll likely clock by now that this usually is a good sign - it means she's not just going with a kneejerk reaction to input, but actually thinking about what she heard. Eleven is still prone to mirroring, though. So her free hand also comes up to rest on his arm in turn, giving it a light squeeze. ]

Promise? [ A beat, and immediate amendment: ] We promise to try. Really hard. You. And me.

[ Dying doesn't have to be a broken promise. As long as she can trust that he's trying not to. And she will try, too. And they will both know that sometimes, really hard might not be enough, especially when trying to protect others. And it will hurt, but it will be okay. ]

Yes, exactly.

[ Because he knows he can't stop her from risking her own safety, even less so in a place like this. He's more reluctant to yield in that regard when it comes to Laura, but it's different. Even when he knows rationally that he could not keep her from getting involved, he'd likely be much more vocal about it.

Maybe the solution has to be something like this, an agreement so that at least they will stick close by, and if need be he can be there to help protect them. ]

That's a better promise. [ Because that one, he can keep. Then if he fails again (though he hopes not, that was a uniquely unpleasant experience), at least he won't have lied. ]

[ She nods. ]

Yes. Because, we are not stupid.

[ Eleven says that in the same way she says 'We protect each other'. Something she's been told and clutches to. What she means is: We're smart enough to stay safe, even if they both know they might not be able to regardless.

She doesn't like it - Eleven has very little fear of danger to her own safety and well-being. It's the people she cares for who she wants to stay safe and out of harm. Having no control over that unsettles her deeply.

Quickly, she wipes at her eyes, and tries really, really hard to look tough. ]

If you die. Again. I kick your ass.

No, we are not.

[ He doesn't care so much for his own safety, but he's far more careful now, if only to avoid serious injury and further upset Laura, or El. She may be borrowing from Laura's upset in part, but it seems to him that there is genuine concern there, too. He really doesn't want her to worry about him like this.

He chuckles softly at that weak attempt at a threat. Sure, El, good luck with that. Not that he believes her in the slightest. ]

I'll keep that in mind.

[ He brushes his thumb across her cheek, lifting himself on his knees so he's close enough to press a kiss to her forehead. ]

Have you had breakfast yet?

[ Her breath hiccups a little bit at the forehead kiss. Eyes squeezing shut. For a moment she remembers Hopper pulling her close. And it hurts. It hurts so bad, because Hopper's not her Dad, but he was going to be, and Erik is not her Dad either, but he died and that hurt the same way, and she doesn't know where to put that hurt when it's Laura who lost her father. So before she answers, Eleven ends up clumsily wrapping her arms around Erik's shoulders and stepping close enough to hide her face in the fabric of his shirt. That's easier than forehead kisses and grief, even if it feels selfish.

And after a moment, quietly: ]

Breakfast together?

[ It's not as clumsy as she might worry. Erik is quick to respond even before he fully processes the gesture, arms wrapping around her and holding her tightly. Experience has taught him when a little girl needs this kind of comfort, and he doesn't hesitate to give her just that.

He smiles a bit when she speaks, palm resting against her back. ]

I can make pancakes, if you like.

[ Or waffles, he's not picky. ]

And waffles.

[ It comes muffled against his clothes. Quiet and just about audible only because his head is right there.

Eleven feels things in big ways, and struggles to work through them. It's a miracle this realm hasn't suffered a full blown temper tantrum from her - yet. For now, she stays in the hug for a bit before pulling back. Not far, but far enough to look back at Erik.

The smile is watery and wobbly, but it is a smile.]

[ That gets a short laugh from him, quiet and warm. ]

We can do waffles.

[ Maybe not both. But she's sad and crying and maybe he's just a little weak and easy to convince either way.

He leans away from the hug when she does, meeting her smile with one of his own. His is less wobbly and more reassuring, and he cups her cheek one last time, before he gets to his feet, reaching for her hand. ]

Come on, then.

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